On our fourth year as One

To the one who owns my heart, my husband and my life— Raymond,

It’s been nine years. Today, I woke up with a pot of Hyacinths and a box of chocolate on my bed. I couldn’t describe my happiness. Then, a memory came rushing in. Do you remember that night when you told me, “be my wife and I will court you forever”? It’s been nine years and you stood true to those words. I couldn’t be any happier.

As it is our fourth year wedding anniversary today, I would like to write this blog to honor our marriage. They say that committing to marriage is not a walk in the park. I even know some personally, who are afraid to commit to it. I couldn’t blame them. Because, certainly in marriage, there is no turning back, at least in the Philippines where there is no divorce. The idea of making sure you choose the right person is extremely daunting. Anyway, how would you even know if you made the right choice if you don’t gamble?

There had been moments when friends would ask me, how did I know that I was making the right choice in marrying you? Had I encountered any sign or was there any cosmic message from the universe telling me that it was finally you? The truth is, there was none. I was completely clueless. But let me share this:

It was  ten years ago, I was only 21. I prayed to God. Sabi ko, pagod na ako from getting hurt. I was tired of investing my emotions to the wrong person. I promised not to commit to any relationship anymore. I was willing to wait. So, I waited. Then, a year after, you came.

Our story isn’t the kind that’s written in storybooks. In fact, I didn’t feel butterflies and rainbows at the beginning. I was hesitant, to say the least.  After all, I wasn’t sure you were the one I prayed for. How would I know? As if there was a label on your head when you came knocking on my door, saying “I was the one sent by God for you.” And even if there was, that would have been so creepy that I ended up slamming the door on your face. 

Nevertheless, I did notice that something was unique about you. That day you came knocking on my door, you were carrying an electric fan. 

I was expecting for the mainstream style-- chocolates and flowers. But yours was an electric fan!

You justified this though, saying that the last time you visited me, you noticed it was hot in my room and there were occasional visitations from my friends, mosquitoes. At that moment, I felt you truly cared. Then, I lost count of the many things you did to show me that my happiness, my safety, my comfort, and all of the things concerning me were your top priority.

Fast forward to this day, well, it’s been nine years since we’re together. And officially four years since we got married. I couldn’t thank you enough for everything that you are to me. You were there for me in every step of the way. Even to the point of resigning from your position in the Philippine government only to be with me here in Japan.

I know, and it breaks my heart thinking that you had to set your own career at bay so to make our marriage work. As you would always tell me, "ikinasal pa tayo kung hindi lang  din naman tayo magkasama."

Despite my grumbling, complaining self, you never stopped making yourself better for me. Everything I complained about you, I saw how much you have changed so to make things work for us. I am truly blessed, baby.

In four years since I said “I do,” I learned that marriage is not just about being bonded into one so you become husband and wife, live life together, and have a happily-ever-after. Marriage, as it is a contract, it is also a job (sans the salary) -- a work that both parties have to do and fulfil. As it has limitless perks, thus, companionship, late-night chats and laughters, and unlimited lovemaking (giggles 😂) comes the commitment of choosing to love and accept the person, over and over again.  Because I tell you, marriage can crack you down in so many ways. Times that you would start wondering, what happened to yourself, have you become a better version of yourself or have you become worse? Times that you would lie on your bed crying, hating yourself and the choices you made. 

And then again, you wake up the next morning seeing the same person. Then, you feel the hurt again. But believe me, it’s totally normal. The people who are capable of hurting us the most are the people we love the most. We won’t feel pain so deep if we didn’t love that deep. We bleed for the people we love. And I think that’s beautiful.

As marriage is a work to do, you choose to make it work. And I think, it’s where the magic lies. That despite yourself and of the other person’s shortcomings, you choose to highlight what makes them beautiful. You choose to love and to love unconditionally. And this is the truest magic of all— it is being with that person who will love you constantly, without any if’s and but’s. A love that is free from fears, worries, and doubts. 

I know it's only been four years. It doesn't count much to my credibility to sound like an expert on this.

 But through the years, I also learned that the greatest secret in a marriage is putting God at the center of your relationship. 

This may be a piece of advice as old as time. But it stands the test of time. There would be a season in your marriage life when you can't find any reason to love the person anymore because all you feel is hate. Then you look up and see the center of your relationship. You see that there is God between the two of you. I remember one time I hated so much to be in the car with you. So I looked up in the sky and saw him. It was consoling. I pushed myself inside the car not because I love you but because I love Him. And it worked! We need God, in huge situations and in those little moments, too.

And I am so proud to say this, so proud that I don't care what the world would say. I am so proud that in nine years, we have become who we are now. I know there would be more crossroads ahead, bumpy ones for sure. But with the love we have and His love for us, I know nothing is impossible. We have gone to so many roads in life, from the corners of the underworld up to the orient seas. Yet, we remain one and strong. Thank you, baby, now and always!

Happy 4th Year Wedding Anniversary. I love you so much.

1.8.15

Love,
Weng