March 15, 2021
Today, I finally received this IPad from the post. I ordered this two weeks ago and it just arrived. I had to wait because good things are worth waiting for. Why? I had my name engraved on this device. With my Ph.D. motto:
Pray. Hope. Don’t worry.
Ph.D.
For I dedicate this device to my journey of becoming
To my journey of searching for meaning
To my journey of fulfilling who God wants want me to be.
April 17, 2021
It’s a Saturday. Sitting languidly on a porch couch, savoring the cold remnants of Spring, I commence writing. For months now, I have been longing to write and reconcile my thoughts to my feelings. So much has happened in the past four months that I am almost lost where to begin.
Firstly, I would like to thank our Dear Lord, my one and only Creator. The past months and the past year have been physically taxing and emotionally exhausting. Too many moments that took my breath away, too many sorrows, suffering, joys, agonies— writing them here and summing them all up in a few pages will never do justice. That I just decided to give up and not write them here at all. Thus the delay.
But earlier this afternoon, I had my first confession in a long time. I felt like it was the right thing to do, I felt like I had to do that favor to my soul. I praise the Lord for the strength.
Now, shall I begin?
The last entry I had in my physical diary was back when Raymond and I were still waiting for the approval of our visa to fly to Canada. And after that, everything was just a whirlwind of circumstances— in fact, a tornado! I could barely catch up. I felt like I was always right there in the eye, hitting every place, hitting every moment in time. But in order for me to truly move forward, I need to go back. I need to reconnect to my subconscious, I need to fill the gap. So here, we shall start.
November 2020
We received a letter from Canada Immigration advising us to send our passports for stamping. At first, we were confused as to why would they have to request Visa Stamping. Does it mean we have been approved? Were they going to be so cruel to request for our passports only to stamp DENIED on it? We didn’t know, but we had to. Agonizing weeks of waiting began and we waited.
It was almost my 33rd birthday and I prayed to God to give me the approval as His gift. Lord, regalo mo nalang sa akin ‘to, I said. And while I waited for His answer, I remember how I randomly cried in desperation— in the car, in the school’s hallways off to the toilets, in my bed before I went to sleep— I silently cried and asked God, to approve our Canada application.
The truth is, yes, I wanted so bad to move to Canada but not for the purpose of immigration per se. I was desperate to leave Japan because I felt my life and Raymond’s life there was a dead end. There was no way Raymond and I could get ourselves to where we wanted to be (career growth) unless we study and upscale our Japanese communication skills. Learning Japanese was as tough as applying for Canada but we have finally made up our mind that Japan is not the country for us to build a future. So yes, we were desperate.
VISA APPROVED, right before my birthday!
I could not even describe how I felt when I opened that package which contained our passports and the letter from Immigration that our application made it. Yes, IT IS GOD’S WILL FOR US. Do you know why? Even in the beginning, I already made a covenant with the Lord. That if it is indeed His will to send us across the other side of the world, He will make it happen. And He will not only make it happen. He will give us the provisions, the blessings, and the guidance as He makes it happen.
And that is what really makes me overjoyed. Because despite the uncertainty of moving to a new country, without any assurance of getting a job, without any assurance of finding a place to stay, without any assurance of a company— boy, this was in the middle of the pandemic. Where everything is closed, besides the essential sectors, how are we going to make it?
And yet, here I am sitting languidly on this couch at the back porch of our Meadowlands Drive West home. While the birds in the meadow crooning their late afternoon song and the sound of cars speeding through the nearby road— everything sounds so familiar yet new.
This is exactly where I am now. I can’t help but marvel at the goodness of the Lord in my life, in our lives. Truly, it might seem to onlookers that our coming here to Canada was easy. But they only saw the victory, not the war. As for the war, only God and ourselves, and the closest of our kin have seen it. They prayed for us, they shared our joy. And for that, I am always grateful.
We originally planned to fly to Canada before the New Year, but because there was a 2-week hotel quarantine requirement, we decided to wait on the Christmas and New Year holidays to finish before deciding to fly. For sure, we didn’t want to spend the holidays in quarantine.
To be continued...
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