Dear Weng,
Today’s a Sunday. And every beautiful thing about a Sunday happened today— from preparing a Filipino-style breakfast for your husband (eggs, fried rice, sausages, and salted egg), to doing your laundry, cleaning your room and your closet (that time of the year when your wardrobe changes with the season, too). And by 4pm, you had your weekly Bible Study where Charmaine was the one leading the word.
Best takeaway for this week’s BSS:
When God gives you trials, it goes to show that He loves you. If a trial it is that you need to be always connected with God, then, go through every bit and chunk of it that you may bask in His love.
While doing your รณ-furu (jacussi) earlier, you had some quiet moments with thyself. Do you recall how much you wanted to be a nun— quietly devoting your life to Christ. But you just didn’t have the courage and you knew you were called to a different path. So you kept this desire a secret— that which no one knows but yourself.
But this desire to commit your life to the Lord lives on. Your love for Him is so strong but you have so many rooms for improvement. God’s love for you do not have any If’s, but’s, or any condition. Because even before you were in your mother’s womb, all naked and empty, God has already lavished you with so much love. Even then that you are uncapable of giving back His love.
So tonight, you capped it with your convo with Joyjoy— Anty Pipay’s bunso, who got impregnated at age 14. She was asking, if not begging, for you to send her help. This was her second time. You know you had to help but a part of you wants to rebuke her. That she can’t keep begging around for help. She had to work and earn a living for her family. Because it’s not everyday that someone will be able to help her.
All of the above came off my mouth. More than the sum of 500 pesos that I had to send her for her child’s medicine and for their food, was the godly advice and prayer I had to impart with her. Because it is what it is— when you help:
It’s not how much you give. It’s not what you do. What counts the most is THE LOVE YOU HAVE IN YOUR HEART WHILE DOING IT.
And yes, it is what it should be. The next time someone comes to you for help— get away with persecution and judgment. CHOOSE LOVE and OFFER A PRAYER OF BLESSINGS.
Your kin, your responsibility. Yes,it’s your responsibility that above all— it’s all for His glory.
Day 4 Challenge:
Chat the first four people ONLINE that you see on your messenger. Share God’s love with them by making them feel that you care. ❤️
Good luck, Weng! More days to come! Yay ๐
Love, Yourself --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
 | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 5 of 33: World Teachers' Month
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sat, Oct 17, 2020 at 5:00 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Weng,
How are you? This is one of your "my rules, my exceptions" entry. You were too tired and maybe too lazy last night to send your entry. So you're here in Iwase East, after having had four classes today. It's the time of the day when you got no classes and you have the rest of the day to do nothing. Thank you Lord for this laptop.
Moving on, let me tell you about yesterday. So it was the culmination of the World Teachers' Month. You greeted your family and friends who are teachers. Yesterday, was Monday so it was a half-day. You spent the entire time off at home browsing through the IRCC website and almost, almost worrying about your application to study in Canada.
I am so glad you are slowly having the awareness of the workings of your mind. You are slowly becoming aware of how the evil in your mind tries to trick you and convince you that you have all the reasons to be worried about.The Canadian Immigration's latest press release says that ONLY THOSE DLIs which have province-approved COVID19 readiness plan who are going to be allowed to admit international students in the future. And you know. that the UoOttawa could either be on the list or not. The evil is wanting you to feel weary and troubled. And yes, it's so easy to just give in and feel anxious.
But you know better, don't you?
God requires impossible situations in order to create miracles. And that impossible situation you are in right now is a resounding reminder that a miracle in your life is brewing in heaven.
Thank you, Lord. Glory and praise to you, Lord, for the coming miracle. I will hold on to your words and to your promises.
Day 5 Challenge: World Teachers' Month
Send a surprise gift to your teacher in the past. To select the teacher. scroll down to your friends' list. The fifth teacher you see is the person to be.
What gift? Up to you, whatever gift you feel like the best to give away today. Have fun!
Today, I also added something to help you become more reflective. Please try to answer this question every day:
If you could go back, knowing what you know now, what would you tell your younger self?
To my self in her 20s: DO NOT TAKE YOUR PARENTS FOR GRANTED. Your 20s are probably the most adventurous, exciting, and most entertaining phase in your life. The freedom you earned after graduating from college can be dangerously intoxicating. You become so busy getting all the things you could only dream of when you were a student. And now, earning your own money, buying whatever you want, and going to places wherever that pleases you. You forget your poor parents who endure cold, sleepless nights wondering about you. Luckily for some, their parents could stay long on this planet until their child finally gets a little bit older and realize this sad reality. As for you, while you lost your mother at 22, you never learned your lesson. Your father was longing for you to come home. But heaven was kind enough for not taking your papa too soon. You had the chance in your 24th until your 26th to be in Masbate, stay, and live the sweetest years of your life after graduating in college. You had the chance to spend beautiful but brief years with your remaining parent.
But your Papa belongs to heaven. At 31, he was taken away from all of you. Had I only known-- I would have spent more time with them
But yes, no more room for regrets-- the poor choices you made and the things you failed to do. Because it doesn't matter what you have done, God has already forgiven you. God already paid the price for you. No need to dwell on your debts. Enjoy the freedom Jesus Christ has afforded you on the cross. Because when you dwell on your past sins and swim in your miserable guilts-- Jesus' suffering on the cross will be useless. Don't ever, ever let that.
Love, Yourself
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 6 of 33: Finally meeting Anne
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sun, Oct 18, 2020 at 5:36 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Weng,
You seem to be occupied recently. And it’s only Day Six but you seem to be having a hard time keeping up. Hang in there, Weng. Do you mean the fire that blazes deep in you only takes six days to flicker? Come on! Pick yourself up and soldier on. This is a 33-day challenge. You’re not even halfway there.
So anyway, what’s up with last night? Well, you stayed up too late, as late as an hour before midnight. Lyka, your newfound neighbor, along with her lovely offsprings, had to flee to Gifu to get away from her abusive husband. And you had to see them off, or at least spend some time with them on their last night.
And by the way, you’re starting to fall in love with Anne Frank and her thoughts. Oh dear, Anne was only 13 when they went into hiding with their family. They had to live under the shadows of their fears from getting caught by the Gestapo and being sent to campgrounds for a hideous, undeserved death sentence just because they are a Jew.
And I like the word umpteenth, haven’t used it much in the past and I’d like to use moving forward. Anyway, Lyka and Anne share something in common— despite a few decades that divide their time. Both had to make substantial sacrifices such as leaving their friends, settling into the unknown beyond their comfort zone. Such an expensive price they had to pay for their lives and eventually, for their freedom. Just because of a man.
I don’t have much to say in this area. Oddly, I used to be a self-claimed feminist back in college. I dared to champion women’s right through my writings on the school’s publication. I used to carry the invisibile flag of Gabriella, or maybe, so I thought.
Nevertheless, old and new— it’s a resounding message that the oppresive and the dangerous nature of the opposite sex exist. No matter how much we all claim that times have changed.
I’m really super sleepy now. But your DAY 6: Challenge is—-
Send a copy (ebook) of Anne Frank’s Diary to Six People you think would love the book. Good luck! ๐ --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 7 of 33: Your challenge, your rules
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Mon, Oct 19, 2020 at 4:34 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 8 of 33: The Diarist
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Tue, Oct 20, 2020 at 4:44 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | 
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 9 of 33: The Diary of a Young Girl
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Wed, Oct 21, 2020 at 5:30 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Today, it’s the usual Fridays with the Saruta pupils. Over the years, it’s my third academic year, the pupils particilularly from this school are becoming more acquianted with me. I used to receive indifferent stares from their young eyes. But now, my Fridays are mostly filled with loving smiles and gestures of sweetness. Ah, these kids!
But before myself betrays me again into writing what I originally do not intend to write, let me tell you already. Just right now, I finished reading the Anne Frank: The diary of a you girl. So much as I wanted to cry and pour my soul out for such a heavily moving account of Anne herself and what transpired after the last entry into her diary. Her last entry on her diary was August 1, 1944. Three days after, that mournful day of August 4, 1944— everything came to an end for the eight unsuspecting souls in hiding. The Secret Annexe was discovered after an unnamed informant, worker in the warehouse, sold them to the Gestapo for barely 2$ per person. But why did it have to happen? After Anne Frank and the rest had to endure 25 months of suffering under the shadows, only to get captured and sent into their long overdue death sentence.
As Anne once mentioned in one of her entries:
“Again and again I ask myself, would it not have been better for us all if we had not gone into hiding, and if we were dead now and going through all this misery, especially as we shouldn’t be running our protectors into danger anymore. But we all recoil from these thoughts too, for we still love life; we haven’t yet forgotten the beauty of nature, we still hope, hope about everything.”
This was two months short befofe Anne and the rest were captured. The looming danger, despite unaware, must have been too heavy for her to bear. And I can’t help but throw the same question, too. Why did she has to prolong her suffering when she would end up on the same fate with others who went to Auschwitz long befofe she did?
But the answer was quick, too. Her suffering had to be delayed so as she could live on for her purpose. And she explicitly expressed it that even after her death, she would want to live forever through her writings. And indeed, she just did! She was not even 16 when she died in Auschwitz! Only six months since their capture by the Gestapo, the Secret Annexe dwellers slowly met their old friend— death. Only Mr. Otto Frank survived.
What I feel after reading her diary is too profound to express, I am almost. One day, I was only smiling and laughing out on her quirky antics as a teenager and the next day, I am holding back tears because of the ill fate they all had to suffer. It might have been so easy to move on had I have been reading a novel, one of fictional nature. But everything I’ve read was true and Anne, Peter, Margot, Mr. Dussel, Mr. & Mrs. Van Daans, Mr. & Mrs. Frank— they were all real. Their feet used to trod the roads of this earth. They used to breath the same air as I do. They used to live. They existed.
And just like that— as young, as hopeful, as full of life as she, Anne’s life was taken away from her because of a man’s crooked and twisted nature, that was Hitler.
I am truly at a loss now. And yet, I have to go. Half an hour and I will be off to go. Week Eight’s over. But one challenge for this day awaits:
Day 8: Challenge
Make the souls in heaven happy. Spend some time to pay them respects. Offer them a prayer— for the eternal atonement of their souls in heaven.
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 10 of 33: Love is also giving
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Thu, Oct 22, 2020 at 5:11 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
It’s Saturday. Praise the Lord for weekends. As there had been a strong typhoon, the weather’s been so gloomy even before the weekend started. So the whole of Saturday has just been rain and thunders.
Regardless, Raymond and I decided to go out to throw some stuff at the City Recycling Center. Afterwards, we set off to the Aeon Uchichara Mall to do some shopping. I went there with 10,000¥ in my pocket and went home with 0¥. How is that?
I bought some pair of jeans as my pasalubong items for my nephews and nieces. I feel sad though. Buying things for my loved ones reallg make me happy. But I can’t help that whenever I do so, Janelyn’s hurtful reminders that I came here to Japan only for myself just keep coming back. Thus, dying down my zeal— bringing me to reality that yeah, when all these stuff I buy for everyone seem the world to me, for them, it’s but a brief spin of happiness then, pooof! Nothing.
Takes me to realization that indeed, no amount of money or material things can replace my love for them. The kind of happiness that I am just being present, being there for them— it’s the kind of happiness I want to give them. It’s about making memories together. And I cannot buy that kind of happiness. But what shall I do?I am far away from them. I can’t always be there for them. Yes, that’s right. Even so, just do the little things— anything that would make your loved ones happy. Even if that happiness is as brief and as worldly as buying them pasalubong. After all, not every day they get to receive pasalubong, right? Make it memorable. Put all your love in that Balikbayan Box because that’s all you can do for now. Nevermind what others may say— it’s your love and yes, your love— however trivial it may seem to be. But for you, it’s not because it’s giving a part of yourself:
Your time Your hardwork and hard earned money Your love in the form of gift
Nothing is wasted, weng. It’s love, no matter what others or what you may think.
Love, Yourself
Day 10: Challenge Today, make your Balikbayan List of recipients. Finalize that list and start working on it. Have you purchased your balikbayan box yet? If not, it’s the time to do it. Go on, love ❤️
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 11 of 33: Self-love doesn’t hurt
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Fri, Oct 23, 2020 at 6:30 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
It’s Sunday. You stayed the whole day at home and had your hair rebonded by your ever loving and patieng husband. It was tiring for both of you but I guess, you were the one who was more tired. Why?
Your husband, although he’s the one who did the hardwork mostly but it was more on the physical. While you, doing your own share in the rebonding process (drying and ironing parts of your hair) but you had some emotional baggages you’ve been carrying the whole day. And man, how heavy they were!
Let’s start with your hair. Your husband tells you that you seem to lack time in taking care of yourself. You keep complaining about how messy, unruly, and ugly your hair is but he never saw you brush your hair at night. Guilty? Yes. Sometimes I do but rarely do I really take care of my hair. For one, I have been having hair loss for ten years now and yet, despite that, my hair just grows abundantly and so thickly. Sometimes I wonder why can’t I have an ordinary girl’s hair? Something that need not be an additional burden. But my husband’s right. Maybe I should spend more time brushing my hair at night.
Secondly, I know that it makes my husband happy when he sees me taking care of myself. Buf I am just so occupied with all these finances and priorities that even though I’d like to buy myself stuff and all, I end up depriving myself for the sake of priorities! And when my husband told me this morning about how I do not care much for myself, I cried. Why? Because, maybe yes, a part of me is to be blamed— but come on, I choose buying what we have to put in our mouth than going to the salon and having myself pampered!
Nonetheless, maybe he just really wants me to give more time taking care of myself. To focus more on my well-being, not only on my looks but my health and disposition in general.
I know my husband is well-intent. But most of the times, the words that come out his mouth are hurtful. I wish to believe that he just really do not know how to choose the right words. But he’s negativity and sometimes being so ill-mouthed, I can imagine myself like a tree slowly withering. And I know he’s trying to change that, somehow he isn’t as worse as before. But sometimes, I just get too tired of it. That I feel like I can’t stand him anymore.
But God is good and He loves me ever so dearly. He nourishes me and protects me and sustains me. My God is the giver of life, of hope, and of strength. I will rest in His love and faithfulness.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Love, Yourself
Day 11 Challenge: Now, I want you to spend some time thinking of your mental and emotional health, Weng. How are you handling and coping right now? Find some nice place today where you can spend some “me-time” and reflect on how you have been taking care of your mental health.
And treat yourself to something good and delicious, afterwards. Ok? ๐ --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 12 of 33: The darkest part of the day is when dawn breaks
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sat, Oct 24, 2020 at 6:00 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
It’s Monday, again. Praise the Lord for the sustenance and provision. Besides from that brief heated conversation I had with my cousin Annabel— about her being so defensive against my sisterly advice, everything went well today.
I spent the half time off vacuuming and washing the laundry. And the rest, I busied myself with the immigration updates from the UoOttawa. Well, obviously, things are getting tougher by the day relating to my visa application to enter Canada. Now, it seems to me that the University wants me to take the option of distance learning amidst this pandemic. But considering the schedule of classes I have enrolled in for Winter Term, two of my subjects will be in conflict with my present work due to time difference. If I would have to attend to my classes, that would mean I have to give up my work here in Japan. And in doing so, I will be compromising my status of residence here. It’s only either I resign from my job here in Japan and go to Canada to do my online learning or not enrol at all for the Winter Term.
And yet, I praise the Lord for the calmness and peace I feel today. Humongous waves are forcibly washing my anchor away but I feel nothing but God’s reassuring presence. As I used to say:
I will not underestimate God’s wisdom and timing by worrying and doubting. He has everthing in control.
And yes, diba Lord? We have already talked about this? All these— and all that we went through, I offer and lift them all up to you. Yea, my God, my One and Only God the Father and with your Holy Son Jesus Christ. I surrender your will in my life, Lord. I can only do what I can do. But at the end of the day, it’s all about your plans for me.
Thank you so much Lord for your faithfulness and unwavering love that I don’t deserve. I am so sorry for my transgressions, for my insensitivities to the suffering and pain of others. Lord, please help me. Teach me.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
Day 12: Challenge
Do something kind to 12 people today— Kind words, kind gestures, kind attitude, anything kind. ❤️
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 13 of 33: Owning your joy
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sun, Oct 25, 2020 at 8:30 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
It’s been a pretty crazy day, aye? I didn’t have any class at all today because the other two Japanese English teachers were out. And the one left was having written exams with the remaining classes. So I basically had to stay the entire day inside the faculty room.
Thanks God I finally had the chance to clean up my online blogiary and update it. But later in the afternoon, I had to work on something else. And guess what? Making posters for my 2nd 3rd graders chorale festival. The Japanese teacher might have been pretty much confident of my drawing skills. Oh boy! I’m really good apt copying drawings but creating something out of nothing is a disaster. So I had to make a few sketches and the photo below is somehow, umm.. yeah, kind of makes me proud. Haha!
So that’s what went on with my external affairs. Internally, I am slowly experiencing some transformation. Something that it too grand to explain. Let me try nonetheless.
Since Raymond went back to working at the Naka Farm with his old satcho, I always arrive from school at an empty home. Raymond gets home half past six and I usually arrive home around a quarter to five. Naturally, and it’s how I would usually feel in the past— arriving to an empty home makes me also feel empty inside. Thoughts of self-pity and self-doubt have been haunting me in the past years— questions like, is this the life I wanted? Sad and away from my loved ones in the Philippines.
And yet, this afternoon, I have finally broken out from my shell. I have been so sad for so long that I don’t want to be sad anymore. So I decided to start telling myself, STOP THE SELF-PITY GAME, Weng! Your heart is grateful and at peace because you trust in God’s mighty wisdom and will in your life. I finally made that decision to guard that happiness in my heart. And do, everything in my will and in my power to protect this peace and this gratitude that I am starting to grow inside me.
That not even jealousy, pride, self-pity, anger, and anything negative will ever break my guards down. That’s why this afternoon, I made that conscious decision to entertain myself and I decided to be happy for the time off from work, for the quiet and restful moments of the afterworks, and just appreciate everything that I have in my life.
This is not going to be one of those whip of the moment reflections I used to have. I feel inside me that this desire to guard this peace and joy is growing. But it will not be easy because the enemy is constantly tempting me to release the chains and let my old horrors creep in.
By the grace of the Lord, who alone provides me with the strength I need— for when I am weak, then I am strong because Jesus is my strength.
Lord, please forgive me for my lapses of judgment and for hurting people around me. Please, with your Holy Spirit, grant me your humility and courage to guard this peace and joy you have generously given me.
Lastly, I also resolved to not be swayed by the matters of this world from now on. Anything that will not benefit my faith in the Lord and anything that doesn’t concern God’s heavenly kingdom will no longer interest me. For I lack nothing with the Lord. All my needs— materially, financially, and all that I could ask for, God has given me so generously. From now on, I WILL ONLY FOCUS ON DOING WHAT IS PLEASING IN THE EYES OF GOD.
Thank you Lord for this revelation. Thank you Lord for your unfailing love. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Day 13: Challenge Thirteenth day starts with T So your challenge begins with T Think of someone who’s name begins with T And send them something— A gift, a token, a smile, a hug perhaps? Regardless, do what you think today Would make T dance in glee.
Good luck, Weng! --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 14 of 33: My joy is not reactive
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Mon, Oct 26, 2020 at 5:18 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Today was DeeOohh! I mean, Day One of my 33 Days Project Happiness. So I woke up today feeling excited to check on the first person. I was kind of disappointed because I was expecting it to be someone I am close to or at least, someone I used to get along with or keep in touch with recently. But, that’s the thrill of it! Not knowing who would it be and mustering the courage to complete the challenge.
The first person was Sarahbeth, my previous student when I was still teaching at Bayombon High School. Her profile came first to my feed as today was her birthday. I was kind of hesitant to message her and declare blessings because we’ve never talked for years. But I had to do it anyway.
So I told her, whatever desires you have in your heart, trust that God will fulfil it. Amazingly, she does have so much to ask God for, she said. And that’s what you learned today from this challenge. Don’t be deceived by your own initial impressions on people, things, and on circumstances. Because when you just let things happen without resisting it— you’ll be amazed by wonderful revelations. Today, it was revealed to you that another thing that makes all humans in common— having a constant desire for something or someone, no matter how great or small.
And another take away? Stick to the challenge, DON’T CHEAT!! You tried to refresh the feed in hopes to see someone better to do the challenge with. You found Baduy— easy. But adding him to the list was not part of the task. And you see, you get nothing out of it!
Lastly, it’s only the first day but you were so happy to hear wonderful grateful thoughts from the first person. Truly, when you thought that this project was only intended to make someone else happy— without realizing it, you were also filling up your own cup of happiness in the process.
Good job on that Weng!
And there again, this isn’t the purpose of the letter. Oh dear, you are indeed a fountain of words! That was just an introduction!
Your joy is not reactive. Your joy does not depend on external circumstances because your joy is already within you. It’s like having that small seed that is slowly growing inside you. You have to keep an eye on it, constantly. Because birds of pride and jealousy are always on a watch to prey on it.
Let me cite an instance today. So you went on with your usual self, poring endlessly to your facebook newsfeed. Reading your socmed friends posting their breakthroughs— new houses, thriving businesses, growing families, and anything that could easily feed the hungry belly of your green-eyed monster. But today, including the past days, you felt different. There are peace and gratitude in your heart that instead of feeling green, you somehow praised the Lord for the outpouring blessings to your friends (well, not quite but somehow kind of— and a work in progress, indeed).
Why would I envy my friend who got their dream house today when I already got mine five years ago? Why would I envy a friend’s financial breakthrough when with God, I lack nothing. I can eat what I want, I can buy what I want, I can travel to wherever I want. And besides, being in a financial limelight casts shadows in my relationship with the Lord. Because that desire of having— and having more— is man’s most wicked nature that steals him away from the Lord.
Truly, I have nothing to prove to anyone, neither to myself. Today, there is only one desire I so long to achieve— to continue filling up my cup of gladness and to refocus my life to what truly matters. That is, to uncover different facets of God’s amazing grace through my humble submission and faith.
Press on, Weng!
Day 14 Challenge: Today, your 14th person is your Spiritual Self. Devote an hour in the peace and quiet, searching every nook and crany of your spirituality. Stay focused! ❤️
--
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 15 of 33: Halfway deeply
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Tue, Oct 27, 2020 at 4:05 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Yay! It’s your halfway point of this challenge! Congratulations for making it to the middle. Halfway to go and it will be your birthday, yes? I know you have had troubles catching up, some days when you just want to give up on this challenge for the time it requires from you every night to write these letters.
And yet, you’re here pushing forward. You’re mostly like this, aren't you? You are so excited and pumped up in the beginning and then when things toughen up, the fire in you slowly die down. I feel you and I deeply understand. No one is judging here. But today, you learn some lessons for yourself.
First, that is— you have got so much to improve on yourself. Again, I am not crucifying you for your faults. But isn’t it what we want, to continue explore ourselves and improve? Part of your desire to discovery of your being and to reaching into an unbiased, comprehensive self-awareness is finding parts of you that aren’t just pleasing and wonderful. It’s part of the bargain to also come face to face with the darkness, the horrors, and the unacceptable fragments of your character. Don’t be dismayed, don’t be discouraged. For these encounters are the most important chapters of your self-discovery. These are times when you need to be in your strongest, when you need to don your cloak of cavalry. To be a warrior and to cast down the monsters that have been hiding from you for ages. A warrior can’t be called one without engaging into the battlefield. You are called for these moments and you will never back down.
The monsters in you that need defeating: A. The green-eyed monster This monster your found a home in you even way back in your younger years. There were times you used this monster to your great advantage by waging off war against your inferiorities and pushing yourself to be better. But as this was a monster, though the harvest was of bounty— it wasn’t so sweet as you thought to be.
Do you remember how that green-eyed monster consume your childhood? When your Papa has no words but praises for your sister’s achievements? With your young, innocent self— you were hoping and prayer for your father’s recognition that you, too, are worth bragging to his friends? You longed for that attention so you decorated your teen-ager self with flying colors, from consistently being on the class honor roll to being constantly engaged to your school’s extra curricular activities. All those, for recognition— all those, for your desire that one day, your Papa will notice you and hear it from him that he is also proud of you. It went even up until college.
Until such time, when you graduated Cum Laude and you were in your prime years. You still never heard of those words. But you didn’t care anymore. Because you were old enough to realize that all those years you’ve longed for your father’s affection, your Mama was always there in the sidelines, supporting you, helping you achieve your goals. But she was left unnoticed, taken for granted by you.
And only when you finally realized this painful truth, it was too late for you. Your Mama succumb to cancer and she was dying. Too late for you to make up for everything. She left this world without you showing how much you appreciated her.
But bygones be bygones. You were done crying. Moving forward, I want you to defeat this green-eyed montser by constantly putting on your armour of gratitude. So that when your heart is filled with joy and thankfulness for receiving so many undeserved blessings, kindness and genuine love radiate from your face— from your actions through your relationship with others. Be filled with goodness in your heart Weng so that all that has to come out your mouth are praises and thanksgiving. All these, springing up from a heart that is pure and genuine.
You can do it, Weng. Constant practice and guardianship of your heart.
Day 15 Challenge: I will sing praises of goodness and joy. Your challenge would be, fill your day with nothing but goodness, appreciation, and kindness that will come out of your heart. Coming from a heart that is full of joy. DO NOT BE DISHEARTENED FOR LITTLE LAPSES. What costs more is you win over these lapses and CHOOSE TO PRESS ON.
God loves you, dearly.
Love, Self
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 16 of 33: All ears and tongue trained
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Wed, Oct 28, 2020 at 4:20 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Yay! It’s Friday again! Thank you, Lord for weekends and for the scheduled rests. Thank you for guiding me through and through this week and for all the weeks that passed. Thank you for protecting my brothers and sisters, and all of my loved ones whom I lift up to you. Thank you, Lord. ❤️
You slept late last night again because you had to join online session via Zoom with the UoOttawa Immigration people. You appeared rude and strong there, Weng. It’s something you really have to figure with yourself and learn how to overcome and refine it. First, there are times that when in a conversation, you cut people in the middle so you could but in and share your thoughts. You have always been like that (well, not always but almost). Because of excitement maybe? Or you’re afraid to lose your train of thoughts? Or maybe you are just downright self-centered and you want to always get ahead. Or maybe, it’s what you think is best for someone to see how engaged you are.
You need some work on this area, Weng. Hence, today your Day 16 Challenge is:
BE ALL EARS TO EVERYONE and TRAIN YOUR TONGUE. For a day, try to observe how you deal with your conversations to people. Try to refrain from always taking the upper hand, someone who always leads the talk. Be the listener for a week or at least for a whole day, today. Okay?
Good night. ❤️ --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 17 of 33: Life's NO RULES RULE
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Thu, Oct 29, 2020 at 4:16 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
You have lost count of the days you have missed for this challenge. Praise the Lord for his generous chances. Praise God for your life and for the seemingly endless second and umpteenth chances. And the main culprit: Your Iwase East JHS. They have the school festival coming up and the Japanese English Teacher asked you to help with making posters. At first, it was fun. But you were not informed you will have to draw from nothing the whole six posters from first graders to third graders. Your days at school went by so swiftly that you almost went into overtime for a couple of minutes because you just couldn't finish them all on time.
That's a good thing, right? Being busy and all. But not being able to attend to this challenge religiously because you were too tired and too sleepy by bedtime. So instead of updating your daily project, you decided to just doze off and rest for the day.
Don't be hard on yourself-- that's a precious lesson you have learned in life thus far. You are your only ally, your friend. No one loves and understands you the way you and God does. So this 33 Days of Happiness Challenge has also taught you one thing, that is, to respect yourself's limit and by just being kind to yourself. After all, this is not just about making others happy, it also includes YOU. About finding your own happiness and not being dragged down by the external forces around you such as self-expectations, standards, others' opinions, and your opinion about yourself. Your being is bigger than YOU. Your life, your rules. Perhaps, one of truly becoming happy is to have that mindset of NO RULE'S RULE IN LIFE. You can be carefree and free in every sense of the world, but definitely, still grounded.
So today's DAY 17 CHALLENGE: Go back to DAYS 7 and 8 and fulfill that challenge. Don't worry. It's your life. God's been giving you second chances. So give yourself one as well.
Love, Yourself
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 18 of 33: Yesterday was the Day
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Fri, Oct 30, 2020 at 4:26 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
It’s quite interesting how our words sometimes give breath to our realities. The night before yesterday, when I stepped out of the car after picking up Raymond from the station, I suddenly said, “Tomorrow, may magi-email na satin about our Visa Application.” I just felt I had to say it and it was coming from nowhere. He just brushed it off and said, “in Jesus’ name.”
Then, we went inside the house. And so it happened yesterday. I was driving on my way home, when the traffic light went red, I stopped and checked on my phone. It was so quick that I didn’t have time to process how I felt. The only letters I saw from the sendee was Immigration CA. As if programmed to do it, I immediately checked the email and tried to open the message from my IRCC account. But the traffic light went green so I had to find a corner to park my car and read the email.
A DECISION HAS BEEN MADE ON OUR APPLICATION. Yes, this was I have been waiting for after ten weeks of patiently waiting, they finally responded. Although, I was expecting for them to request some more documents, such as, I failed to send one for with Raymond’s signature in it. According to their website, the Immigration Officer handling our application will email us to let us know whatever documents we will be missing. And I knew I was missing one.
BUT A DECISION HAS ALREADY BEEN MADE. It didn’t quite feel alright. What I know is they had to ask me for that missing document. But none of them got back to me to ask for it. I don’t know if this I need to worry or this I need to celebrate.
Oh Lord, my ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Please, SHOW ME OH MY GREAT GOD THAT MY THOUGHTS ARE NOT YOUR THOUGHTS. I worry for that document but YOU HAVE ALREADY SORTED IT OUT FOR ME. I worry for my mistakes BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY CORRECTED THEM FOR ME. I worry for my sake BUT YOU HAVE ALREADY SAVED AND RESCUED ME.
Oh Weng! You of little faith.
Do you remember when you prayed to God and asked Him, “Lord, please, if you will. Give us enough time to prepare before we travel to Canada.” You asked for that time because in your previous trips, you were always in a fight against time, too little time, too many things to do.
And now, in a matter of 10 days, your passport will be sent back to you and you will finally receive the results. The results that kept you awake for almost two years now!
In fact, by the moment you are reading this letter, you have already known the result. You have already received your passport. And to you my future self (a week older than I am now), I would like to ask you:
What is the result? Did you make it? Was it approved?
I want you to remember how you feel right now. I want you to remember that waves of fear, doubt, uncertainty, and anxiety are trying to drown you now. There’s a part of you that says it was not approved because WHY DID THEY NOT ASK YOU FOR THAT MISSING DOCUMENT? WERE YOU BOUND TO FAIL BY DEFAULT SO THAT MISSING DOCUMENT WASN’T NECESSARY?
Can you please, Weng, my future self, explain to me, WHY DID THEY NOT ASK FOR IT? But your thoughts are NOT HIS THOUGHTS and YOUR WAYS ARE NOT HIS WAYS.
I am excited to hear what you have to say about this. What must have God done to save you from your doubts and bring you victory? Please, Weng, today, I want you to make that testimony. That whatever you feel and think right now, THEY DON’T MATTER. Because God’s nature is not arbitrary— HIS LOVE FOR YOU IS CONSTANT. No matter how you think and feel, HIS LOVE FOR YOU WILL STAY THE SAME.
Lord, I am scared. I am so scared to bits. And you know that, you know how I feel right now Papa God.
๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ต๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐บ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ด๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐ถ๐๐.
๐ธ ๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ข๐๐'๐๐ ๐ถ๐๐. ๐ฑ๐ ๐๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ฐ๐ผ ๐ถ๐พ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ด ๐๐๐ธ๐ป๐ป ๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐ธ ๐ฐ๐ผ ๐ถ๐พ๐ณ ๐ฑ๐ด ๐๐๐ธ๐ป๐ป ๐ฐ๐ฝ๐ณ ๐บ๐ฝ๐พ๐ ๐๐ท๐ฐ๐ ๐ธ ๐ฐ๐ผ ๐ถ๐พ๐ณ.
This is how you feel now, Weng. You are scared. And it’s understandable. The demons around you are trying to still make a score, even up to the last minute. DON’T LET THEM. You are about to see the breakthrough you have been waiting for years. It’s almost here. Previously, you thought you were two hours shy from day break. Now, Weng, you are about to see the first ray of sunshine of your dreams. And the demon is trying to steal you and win you over. DON’T LET THEM.
The victory is already yours because God has done so many awe-inspiring things already for you to win. He was with you when you had to cross the vast oceans of uncertainty, He was with you when you were filling up the vessel of hope with wine He turned from water. Remember the goodness of the Lord, Weng, instead of listening to the desperate fumblings of the enemy.
God said, “my lambs know my voice and they listen to me.” You know God’s voice, you are familiar with His ways. Just as you know that when it is NOT GOD’S VOICE, it’s the enemy’s. It’s the wolf trying to deceive you, take you away from the sight of the Shepherd, and trick you into his bait— only to be devoured by it in the end.
You know God’s voice. Listen to Him. In this time of uncertainty, fill your heart with joy and singing of his great deeds! Oh Lord, I will be still and know you are God.
Today is DAY 18: The Challenge is:
MAKE A SONG OF WORSHIP for all the marvelous things God has done in your life. This is project Happiness. This time, express that happiness you have in your heart through your God-endowed talent. Your gift of arts and letters.
Love, Yourself
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 19 of 33: A day worth my while
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sat, Oct 31, 2020 at 4:19 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is a Saturday and it went by so quickly. Raymond had to go to work to offset his non-working days due to bad weather. That's how it works with his work at the sweet potato farm. When it rains, they don't get to work because the soil is wet and it will be hard to harvest the sweet potatoes.
You have also scheduled a Costco trip with Sir Banny and his friend, Glenn. Finally, you met the guy. He's nice and genuine-- characteristics of your friends whom you can easily get along with.
After lunch, you set off to Costco, bought some meat for your month-long supply, dropped Glenn off at Hitachi City (an hour drive from Costco, omg!), picked up Zyrnan for the exercise bars, dropped him off at Honey's place, caught up with them in a bit. Then picked Raymond up at the Uchihara Mall, dropped off Sir Banny at his apartment. Then, went home and slept. Such a tiring day that was, indeed!
Nonetheless, it was worthwhile. I appreciate how I got so busy helping people out and sharing my precious time with them. I also had to confide to Sir Banny and Glenn regarding the passport request from the embassy and I could not help but appreciate their confirmatory remarks that truly, WHY WOULD THERE BE A PASSPORT REQUEST IF THE APPLICATION WAS DENIED. They could have just emailed me the result, right?
But anyway, I appreciate how things are becoming more familiar in my life. This is what I want, to be surrounded by people and experience my worth. Regardless, don't be swayed by these matters, Weng. Remember that your happiness is NOT REACTIVE-- it cannot be determined, influenced, and affected by the circumstances around you. You are happy and UNBOTHERED.
P.S. I did my Day 13 Challenge today, which was to send something sweet to the first friend I see on my friends' list whose name begins with T. It was Tiara Guadayo, not a close friend but someone from my batch in high school. I sent her a smiley. Oh dear! The things I do to keep up with this 33 Days of Happiness. Nonetheless, it was fun. She might open the message or not, but that was up to her. It was a challenge after all.
Day 19 Challenge: Nineteen starts with N. Find someone on your friends' list The name must begin with "N" But remember, it must not be just an N That N must be someone you miss A friend you have had through the years. Game on!
-- Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." | RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Surrender it all to Him
1 message |
NOTE: I lost track of the days so this one was a bonus
RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sun, Nov 1, 2020 at 3:27 AM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Weng,
Today I want to tell you another amazing miracle from God.
Do you remember last week, almost same time today, Thursday. You got your August salary but you were worried. Because all of your income flew away just like that, you weren't even able to pay for your rent. So you were filled with fears and doubts again because you didn't know how much Raymond would earn but for sure, it won't be enough to cover all of your expenses. And you were also scared because you promised your brother Choy2 that you will pay him the 30k pesos in full. But all so suddenly, your car's spark plug broke and you had to have it fixed. And when you went to the repair shop, it had to cost you thirty thousand yen. Your worries were over the roof because you remember your promise to your brother of the amount you will pay off. You started to dread what he had to say to you. You started to hate yourself for seemingly struggling always, financially. You hated your life once again. And you almost couldn't breathe because of too much anxiety.
So you decided last week, to push that out of town trip with Raymond. Because staying out home and consuming each of your waking moment with dreadful thoughts about how to make both ends meet is just too much. You wanted to break free of your thoughts. And yes you did, you went out of town despite your gloomy resources. You surrendered to God and you told yourself, "it's out of my hands now. Let me see what God will do this time."
The weekend went by, you have refreshed your strength anew. You started your first work week for the Fall Term with complete surrender to Him. Until Raymond's salary came in. It was not too much but neither was it less. It was enough to pay for Raymond's kimuchi to Yazu and was enough to cover all your expenses. While yes, you couldn't pay your brother in full because it's the reality of your finances. But what did God do?
He changed your brother's heart. You told him you couldn't make the full payment just as you promised. But lo and behold! What did he say? It's okay, don't worry. Anty Gaga changed her mind about borrowing the money, too. Just like that!
God did not change the reality of your finances because it's the reality. He won't shower you with money or make you win in the lottery (you don't go betting, anyway). But what did He do? He changed your brother's heart and your brother was so considerate of you. Praise the Lord, Almighty! For He alone can change the heart of man.
Praise the Lord for His loving and generous provision. God finds a way for you/
Thank you, Lord.
That's a miracle that you need to be always reminded of, Weng.
Love,
Yourself
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Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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Day 20: God loves you so much
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sun, Nov 1, 2020 at 3:54 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is a Sunday. You were invited by Tita Jacky to attend the Sayonara Party she prepared for Zyrnan and Ger Gil. You had to bail out as you went home late the previous night and Raymond had to spend his time off at home to get some rest. You also had that chat with Emme, your friend who got approved for a Canadian Visa, and asked her about how the decision was made for online applications. You just needed to have that confirmation that indeed, the passport request you received from the Immigration meant that your application was approved.
And yes, she did confirm! Because the documents that were sent to you for passport request were the same exact documents sent to her a year ago when her application was approved. Although it only took her decision to arrive in roughly two weeks (pre-pandemic) while yours took exactly 10 months (thanks to Covid), both messages you received had the same content!
Must it be the sign? That yes, finally, the loongv wait is over and that God moved mountains for me once more and turned my weeping into joy and my water into wine? It’s almost LOUD and CLEAR, Weng! As everyone you asked about this said, APPROVED NA YAN.
Grabe ka Papa God. Since Day One, ang lakas lakas ko na talaga sayo: Love na love mo ako in ways I cannot imagine. When I put my mind and heart into it, and completely trust you with it, and claim that you are ABLE GOD— whom we can always count on with our dreams, YOU REALLY DELIVER. You deliver in the most amazing and wonderfully unique ways!
Thank you, Papa God. I may not know yet the results as we are still waiting for the passports to come back, but in our heart there are only songs of joy that indeed, YOU ONCE AGAIN ANSWERED OUR PRAYERS!!
Oh, Papa God, how could you love this sinful sorrowful daughter of yours. I filled my past with spiteful sins that made you hurt and disappointed and yet, you still love me and you love me so much. Oh Papa God. Thank you for being the best Father I have. I may have lost both of my parents but you never made me feel I lack one. When the evil persuades me to despair and focus on what I have lost— you fill my days with everything that I hope for. Oh Lord, my God. Maraming maraming Salamat.
Day 20: Challenge Count one to twenty The twentieth person is meant to be Message that person and you shall ask thee, “How can I make you happy today?” Not literally, definitely! A small gift maybe? Or prayers, surely!
Way to go, Weng! ❤️
P.S. Today is All Soul’s Day Have you offered prayers for your loved ones yet? If not, please do so. Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 21 of 33: The Queen Unperturbed
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Mon, Nov 2, 2020 at 3:55 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Today is a Tuesday. Yesterday you had to be at the Minami Iida ES because your JHS is on a compensatory off due to their school fest last weekend.
Yesterday was also quite a day. It was the first time you and Janelyn had a talk for months and yet, what you heard from her was:
“Loka loka ka man gayud.”
Though she said it was meant for a joke. I wish I didn’t get hurt. But she did. I am not being balat sibuyas. I don’t want people to be walking on eggshells around me but it really pains me why people can’t bottle up hurtful words, why people can’t be a little more sensitive. Was it just me? Am I being too sensitive when my younger sister calls me crazy? Am I really crazy?
When for all these years I have been trying to be a good role model for them, all I get is this insult. I don’t know. Maybe I really need to chill a bit, otherwise, I’ll always be hurting myself for people’s tacklessness.
I want to be the Queen of Placidity— but not as placid as my bestfriend whose partner’s life has gone miserable because of her lack of sensitivity. Oh, forgive me dear! This is my judgy and pre-emptive self. I want to keep that peace and quite in the deepest chambers of my heart. I want to be unbothered by how people treat me. I don’t want anyone, neither my husband nor my sibling, determine how I should feel. I want to rise above the oceans of my emotions and become an spectator on how things unfold itself.
I love my sister Janelyn and I hate it that whenever we talk, we’re always fightling like cats and dogs. I know I had the right to hate her for what she did to me. And maybe, she has the right to hate me for not forgiving her easily. But does she not respect my feelings? I told her I needed time to heal. She’s mad at me just as how mad I am at her.
But I don’t want anymore bruising of feelings. So I will try my best not to meddle at all in her affairs. My life, interestingly, has become less complicated and even more grounded when I stopped following her on social media. To not see her socmed posts gave me peace— for I used to always have this urge to confront her for her carelessness, for posting things too private— for being so childish. But I had to stop because I trusted that she’s old enough to realize them. And yet, when she finds a chance to correct me, she does it brazenly. That agitates me extremely.
But that was me— months ago, which feels like for eternity. I have found peace and joy in my heart that I want to keep nothing but love, gratitude, and contentmeng inside me. This is my life’s mission:
TO GO ON IN LIFE PLACIDLY. Unperturbed, calm, composed, and collected.
Please Lord, my God. Forgive me for sudden moments that I lose my temper and say words I completely regret saying. Lord, I want to be more like you— humble and meek. That in the face of terror, persecution, and suffering, I may draw from the fountain of peace you have created inside me.
Day 21 Challenge: Be the Queen Unperturbed Today, as in for the whole day, PRACTICE SELF-RESTRAIN From waking up Up until you’re sleeping Hold on to that peace and quiet You have established within.
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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Day 22 of 33: Heaven on earth
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Tue, Nov 3, 2020 at 3:24 PM | | To: "wenefebalbalin@gmail.com" <wenefebalbalin@gmail.com> | Dear Self,
Do you know what HEAVEN is?
Experiencing the presence of the Lord is heaven. To be resting on his lap— feeling free from every bit of earthly troubles, that’s heaven. And I have these glimpses of heaven whenever I bask in God’s mercy, grace, and love.
After reading Mitch Albom’s latest book, The Next Person You Meet in Heaven, I have finally agreed that Heaven Is Real. And that heaven is not an ET idea— something beyond from our imagination, something impossible to grasp. Heaven is inside you. Heaven is joy. Heaven is a choice.
And how is that possible?
There are too many theories about what happens in heaven. After all, no one has lived to tell the tale of what heaven exactly looks or feels like. But for certain, one characteristic of being in heaven is— BEING REPLETE OF ALL NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. Being detached from every worldly suffering. Because in heaven, there is no more suffering.
So I had to ask myself, why wait until I go to the actual heaven until I experience Heaven itself?
When I can deliberately decide to exterminate all these negative emotions that drag me to a pre-mature hell. There is a term for this “making your life a living hell.” If there is such a term, why not “make your life a living heaven.”
I guess that’s because it is easier to make one’s life a living hell than making one’s life a living heaven? But both are hard, right? And I have to choose my “hard” wisely. I’d rather go through difficulty and gain heaven than go through the same difficulty and gain hell.
So I want heaven every day. Today, I decide to deliberately exterminate, or better, decimate, every trace of negativity that dwells inside me. I only want to choose joy, love, forgiveness, calmness, and self control.
Heaven is for real. And we can choose to have it every day. ❤️
Love, Yourself
Day 22 Challenge: Practice HEAVEN TODAY Your self will later thank you for this. --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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Day 23 of 33: The Potter's Hand
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Wed, Nov 4, 2020 at 3:36 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
It's a Wednesday and you're here in Iwase East, again. You only have two hours of contact time with your students and once again, it's up to you how you will go about with the rest of six hours doing nothing. You've been in this job for almost three years now. And yes, I know, you did try your part to be the best ALT possible in your yesteryears at this school. However, time flies by so fast and you are counting the weeks until you say sayonara to everyone and to this kind of work style. You've always known that your services are only much needed inside the classroom and to certain ALT-related concerns-- marking papers, updating your ALT board, helping with English-related activities, among others. But you can't really go beyond that, right? As if these English teachers you work with care enough about the things you do.
Yet, you have to be honest, there is a little bit of guilt-- because you know you could have done more. But isn't it the reason why you have prayed for so long to finally move on to your next destination? Because you can't stand any longer in a place where you feel constant devaluation of your worth as a professional and as a person. Truly, this is not the place for you Weng. Life is so short to be in an environment where you feel the constant pressure of having to prove your worth to everyone, in an environment where you always have to deal with self-doubt and self-worth, and in an environment when there is a constant threat of being replaced or moved to different work assignments.
Working with young minds has always been a meaningful job for you. You love kids and you are deeply honored to be that person who introduces the English world to them-- that person who inspires them and makes them appreciate learning a different language. It has been a fulfilling job-- there is no doubt about that. You find joy and self-fulfillment whenever you do well in the delivery of your lessons. You find satisfaction in seeing the curious smiles of your students and hearing them "tanoshikata". They are loving your English lessons in every possible way you can make them. But your career, your life for that matter, does not end there. Because your worth as a person does not only begin and end inside the classroom. In other words, your worth as a person does not only begin and end in the kind of work you do.
You also are a social being-- you need to be in a workplace where you feel loved and appreciated. You need to be in a working environment where you can make contributions-- not only during cleaning time or washing everyone's cups and chopsticks after lunchtime. You need to be in an environment where you have the opportunity to thrive as an individual.
This is your story. You were made to achieve greater things. You were an achiever for no reason. Ask and pray hard that you may finally find your calling-- a place where you were destined to thrive. You know for yourself that it's not here in Japan. It is somewhere out there, in Canada as you hope. Search in your heart and ask for God's wisdom. After all, He's the potter-- you are being formed by his hands. Ask Him to guide you and surrender in each spin and in each turn.
Day 23 Challenge: Today is about the Potter Your city-- Kasama City, is a famous town for pottery Hence, your challenge today Buy a pot made in Kasama City One for yourself And one for the person you think would love Pottery
Go, girl!
Love, Yourself
-- Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 24 of 33: The Canada Day, the Big Day
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Thu, Nov 5, 2020 at 3:56 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is Thursday and you have a special schedule at Iwase East JHS. They had to swap you sched with Minami Iida ES because they were on a compensatory off last Monday so you couldn't be there, definitely! As everyone's on a holiday. But good thing today you only get to work a half-day. Your morning schedule was quite full, helping the Japanese Teachers mark students' essays and assisting them with the delivery of their lessons. You didn't have much time for yourself despite the two-hour break you had for yourself.
Then, the clock struck lunch break. You were about to have your lunch when suddenly, a message from canada.cic popped into your phone's notification. You know when it's from the Citizenship and Immigration Canada, it's something you can't miss. So in a rush, you opened the email and there it said, you had to check your cic account for the final decision. And see photo below for the information:
YES, YES, YES!!! My dear, your application to study in Canada and Raymond's application to work in Canada were approved!! Isn't it amazing? All these were only but far-fetched ideas for you before. It was like, there won't be any way for you to apply to Canada. But you know deep in your heart that you wanted to be in Canada.
And now, here you go. Your application to go there was approved. And here you go, the only thing that separates you between you and your Canada dream is that flight ticket that you have to book sooner.
I understand that you might have qualms and all but you have already made up your mind, right? That the moment this prayer is answered, you promise not to doubt anymore. The moment that God gives you this dream to Canada, you will not worry nor doubt anymore. God has made you cross the red sea and has shown his powers and what He can do in your life. Now that you see the pharaos chariots chasing you down, are you still going to fear? Definitely NO! Let God's mighty waves drown all your fears and worries away!! Because to begin with, you just did your part in the bargain. And now, watch God do his share. Watch what else God can do for you from this moment on until you arrive and settle in Canada.
Oh dear Lord, I have seen all the wonders of your hands, Oh Lord! I have nothing to ask for This dream to Canada is too big, too bold, too audacious And yet, once again 'You made it real! Oh dear Lord Your compassion and might are without limits What have I done to deserve your love, Lord? What have I done to be worthy of your endless kindness and generosity?
Oh Lord, I am yours. I am completely, wholly yours, Do what you desire me to do, Lord. May your will be done in my life. I am yours, I am yours Completely, wholly. I am yours.
By the way, today, another revelation came upon me. This moving to Canada is definitely a huge leap, a remarkable achievement for me. But instead of being so aggressively happy-- I felt an overwhelming calmness. A joy I could not explain. A joy that is already complete. A kind of joy that needs not confirmation from the people around me that it is a joy. I received a joy that is already complete. That even though I do not share that joy to anyone, it's already a joy in itself. It's too profound. A kind of happiness that need no affirmation. A kind of happiness that I treasure within. A kind of happiness that I share only and only with God and myself.
Thank you, Lord for this joy. For this overwhelming joy that needs no audience.
You did it again, Lord. We won!
Challenge 24: Today was the biggest day in your life. The announcement of your Canada application approval. Today, I want you to pray for every dreamer in this world. And create a message, however platform you wish to express it, that may inspire every dreamer to never quit on their dreams-- no matter how gargantuan they seem to be. You can do it, Weng. After all, it is what you've always wanted to be, right? To be an inspiration to everyone around you,
May God's faithfulness, compassion, and might radiate in your life so that you may touch the life of everyone's who crossed your path. Amen.
Love, Yourself
-- Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Fri, Nov 6, 2020 at 3:12 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is a Friday and it's Halloween Day for Saruta ES. It was so much fun, with everyone wearing Halloween costumes. You also opted to be the little maleficent with your cute little horns. Your classes ended quite early. Mr. Sakayuri had to knock on your car while you were resting because the afternoon class was rescheduled thirty minutes earlier. It was not your fault, though.
So right now, you are here in your English room thirty minutes before your time off. Sitting on one of those wooden Japanese desks which represent so much of Japanese schools. You are here with such a splendid view of Mount Kaba, with some of its trees transforming into the colors of autumn. In the summer, you always adored this view. How can be a view with a single color be so beautiful? You attempted to paint it but your inexperienced hands with those color pencils did not give justice to what your eyes can only adore. Mount Kaba exploded in all different hues of green. And it was a view to behold the One who created it.
You are counting the days now. Earlier, to pass the time, you busied yourself with reading through important information on pre-departure and arrival in Canada. Your heart simply fluttered. It hasn't sunk in, yet, has it? You are finally going to Canada,Weng. And your dream to finally find the place to grow old, to settle, to chase your dreams, and build them-- you know it got to be Canada. And this time, you have become more mature in handling this. You learned your lessons-- from your innocent hopeful self entering New Zealand to your optimist, believing self coming to Japan. You thought that Japan was already the place to be. But with the language barrier, everything is just so complicated and impossible.
And here's what you have been praying for--- Canada. It might feel too gigantic of an undertaking. With all the preparations you had to make, from disposing all your stuff, to sorting out all that is needed to be sent to the Philippines. From throwing sayonara parties and making the most of the last weeks you have in this wonderful, mysterious, and amazing country that is Japan.
And yet, you still find peace and calmness in your heart. Because you know that God is in control. There is no reason to be weary. This moving to Japan is too great for you to handle alone. After all, this was too big of a dream for you to fulfil alone. It was all in God's hands. And now, it will all be in His hands.
Dear Lord, I know you can hear and see me from there in heaven. You know what is inside my heart.. even before I type them, you already know my thoughts, Lord. I just want to thank you Lord. For taking care of me since forever. For listening to my cries and for fulfilling the desires of my heart. I have nothing to doubt and to fear anymore, Lord. These are yours.. all these, Lord. I offer them up to you Lord.
Thank you so much Papa God. I want to hug you now. But I can't, just yet. I love you so much. Thank you for loving me and for creating all these beautiful things around me. I love you Lord./
Day 25 Challenge: What have I done to deserve your love Lord? Oh dear Self, do something that will make God immensely so happy today. There is nothing you can do to merit His love But you can always try in your most simple, authentic ways To make Him smile.
Love, Yourself
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Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 26 of 33: Doubling the joy
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sat, Nov 7, 2020 at 3:31 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self.
You are in a 4-day time off, including two weekends. The reason is, Tuesday will be a holiday and you requested time off for Monday so you could process your driver's license renewal. And yes, four days time off but seemed to be super brief!
On Saturday, you and Raymond decided to visit the Hitachi Seaside Park and see the Kochia for the last time (as next year you will be in Canada, already!) You also rented bikes for yourselves as you have long wanted to do. It was liberating to once again feel your childhood on those wheels. The only difference was you ended up with bruises and aching legs for it has been years since the last time you did biking.
It was such a wonderful day. Although the red Kochias have already turned golden (a few weeks until they waste away). And yet, there were cosmos to still light up your day.
That's one thing life has taught you, hasn't it? That life is so full of surprises, we just really have to appreciate what is there for us. We went there to once again see the Kochia bushes in all its crimson glory. But the Kochias were a few days shy of turning brown. I remember the first time we visited the Kochia fields in all its crimson glory, the cosmos fields were there but we didn't give it much attention. But this time, we had the chance to appreciate the cosmos and the buckwheats.
We could have gone home disappointed for we didn't get what we sought in the park. But there were other things we did enjoy. Biking around the park and enjoying the beauty of the Cosmos fields. That's how it is.
Life is beautiful with all its amazing surprises!
Day 26 Challenge Where is your Covid 19 ayuda? Book that order for the masks and clean gloves you have promised Reylen for the frontliners.
Because joy is always doubled in giving! As Father Orbos said, if you only seek joy for yourself You will never find it Seek joy by giving and sharing with others And surely, that joy will come to you Doubled and priceless!
Go, Weng!
Love, Yourself --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 27 of 33: In Him I lack nothing
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sun, Nov 8, 2020 at 3:55 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is a Sunday. Raymond and you decided to just stay home and spend all your time off relaxing and doing the laundry. The weather has been really dreary. So you were just lazily pissing each other off.
Anyway, today you also attended the Bible Study with your sisters in Christ and you revealed to them that you have finally received your breakthrough. Lately, you have been working on your inner peace and gratitude. You have been praying to the Prince of Peace to help you.
Your dream to Canada is too big that God has made so many great wonders in order to fulfil this dream for you. But unlike when you were approved for New Zealand and then Japan, this moving to Canada is something so big for you that your joy is almost incomprehensible. That when you share the news to your family and friends, you can't seem to fathom what to expect from them. So you decided to be an onlooker and see who will genuinely rejoice with you. But thus far, you didn't receive the same satisfaction as you had when you announced to everyone that you are moving to New Zealand.
And I guess, that is completely okay. Firstly, everyone is too used of you moving from one place to another. Second, for sure they are rejoicing with you in this breakthrough but as you have earlier resolved, you will not feed yourself with compliments and grant your ego the satisfaction. Yes, you shared your joy but that was it. It doesn't have to be returned because you have already made up your mind that your joy is already complete in the Lord.
You would very much appreciate if they return your joy but if they don't, it's okay. Because after all, it's your life and God has made all your needs complete. Just like what Michelle Gumabao said, don't feed your ego with praises from people so that when you receive bashing and disappointment, you don't go die with it.
That is so true. In Jesus' mighty name and grace, i shall continue my mission in pressing on for His glory. I shall continue my mission on pursuing what will make Him happy. I shall starve my ego so that I can genuinely glorify the Lord. To whom who makes all things possible, to whom who provides all our needs.
Day 27 Challenge: Create a vlog today, in testimony of God's unfailing love for you.
Go, Weng!
Love, Yourself
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Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 28 of 33: Too much suffering, too many you can do
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Mon, Nov 9, 2020 at 3:15 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today you received your passports from the Canada Visa Application Center. Oh Lord! I knew it was arriving today but my joy is indescribable. I was busy updating my 33 Days of Project Happiness and truly, in the midst of writing, the doorbell rang and I received two packets containing our passports.
Thank you, Lord. You have approved us to go to Canada. And yes, Lord, this moving to Canada is no longer only for our sake. Having lived in two different countries in the past, you taught us about the things that would truly matter. As I have committed my life to you, Lord, you know the desires in my heart. But more than anything, you know what plans are better for my life. Lord, as we move to Canada, please Lord, use us. Please use Raymond and me for your glory.
I shall no longer be enslaved of the longing of the flesh-- for I know that they are all temporary. The works of my hands don't matter because, in the end, it's what is in my heart that I shall carry forever.
Please forgive me for what I have done to your children. For the hurtful words, I've said because of anger, for the pains I have caused my brothers and sisters. Papa God, you know me through and through. From the moment I was formed in my mother's womb, I am yours. Oh, God. Please.. protect me from evil. I am yours, Lord. Please help me to be faithful in you.
All glory and praises are yours forever, Lord!
It's Day 28 and there are so many suffering on earth Find someone whom you can send help today Especially those who have been devasted by the Super Typhoon Rolly Think of ways you can send them help All Glory to God forever and ever! --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 29 of 33: The bed story
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Tue, Nov 10, 2020 at 3:19 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
You seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed today.
Ok. Let's begin with your way to school early this morning. Just an ordinary morning, you left home around 7:55 AM as usual. Just in time so you would arrive at school at around 8:15 AM. You were feeling good while driving, climbed up the familiar mountain road which was a short cut to your school. Until suddenly, on your way down heading to the main road, you were stopped by a white car ahead of you. And by another huge truck which seemed to have collided with an approaching K-car. You thought it was yet another difficult maneuvering scenario where you have to wait a little bit until the traffic eases off. But my goodness! A good five minutes later, no one seems to be moving. Something is wrong and you can't bear that Japanese odd way of being so patient-- that even in the midst of suffering, you won't see them agitated at all.
You had to go out of the car and see what's going on. Nothing was really on. Only two drivers whose egos were hurt because perhaps the other was not giving way to the huge truck. And time was running out. You couldn't bear it anymore, you couldn't be late not at this time when you can't contact your mobile carrier for your line has been frozen due to unfortunate events.
After a good ten minutes of reflection, you mustered enough courage. You drove through what is little of that space left between the huge truck and the K-car. You didn't care anymore, you just really had to pass through or else, everyone at work, including your company, will panic!
It must have been that adrenaline rush because when you finally were able to get through (thanks to the truck driver who guided your driving), all of your strength was drained and your shoulders snapped a bit.
But all is well. I was able to pass through.
Here's next. You missed your second period class because you didn't quite get what the Japanese teacher was telling you about the change of schedule. But oh, how you care less!
Another one. You were on the final stage of paying off your booking for your flight to Canada on the 11th of January. You spent some good time thinking about pushing it or not. Until you have decided that you will only to be cancelled in the end because the bank requires that mobile OTP which mobile phone you no longer carry.
Amazing!
But God is good, always. God is faithful. I shall not be moved by these circumstances. Rather, I shall focus on what God wants me to do. God wants me to think of my situation further. A chance to think over and talk to my husband before pursuing the flight. Okay?
Thank you for your guidance, Papa God. Moving forward, I shall see things on your perspective. Please send me your wisdom and give me your strength.
Day 29 Challenge What is there left of you? Oh dear, four days to go! Think of something special A note, a letter, a message maybe? Give it to four people Whom you think would be happy --
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 30 of 33: Listen to your heart
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Thu, Nov 12, 2020 at 2:21 AM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Today is a Thursday and you were once again in MInami Iida ES. The sixth graders went on an apple-picking trip in Daigo and brought you one big Fuji Apple. It was so fresh and starchy sweet. You ate it all up on your drive home.
At this point, I would like to tell you about your revelation for today. Okay, so this was what happened. Your credit card did not charge your Docomo phone bill of six thousand pesos for the month of September. You just took it for granted because you noticed the card charged you for the month of October. But a week ago, your phone service was disconnected and there is no way for you to be contacted via mobile phone. Yesterday's road incident reminded you how dangerous it is for you not to have an active phone. You couldn't contact anyone. There was no internet signal so completely you were off the grid!
You kept denying yourself from manning up to your duties. You see, that's part of adulthood. You have bills to pay and no matter how much you try to hide from it, it will catch up with you sooner or later. Don't put yourself into self-inflicted suffering caused by your denial to grow up. You are only prolonging the agony, Weng. You are only causing yourself to suffer more.
Oh Lord, today and the past days since our approval to Canada, I have been restless. I need to have our flights finally booked so we could move forward to the next steps. But too many limitations such as your other credit card won't allow you to have huge transactions due to safety restrictions. And now, you had to pay off the other credit card so you could use it to book your flights. Ahhh! You don't want me to be suffering this way, for sure Papa God. Because all things coming from you are good. And if there's pain, it must be because of my fault. Oh Lord, please help me. Teach me your ways Lord that I may see the right path. Please save me from stumbling due to my lapses. I am totally nothing without you, Lord.
There is no more darkness for finally, we have reached the sunrise. Please Papa God, guide me in my steps that I may not fall into the thorny paths. Your gifts are good and this gift I recently received from you has been the best gift so far. But more than this gift of being approved for Canada Papa God is the gift of having you in my life. The gift of your presence in every challenge Raymond and I had to go through since we have initiated our applications.
Lord, you are my God. And you are more to me than any of these gifts. I give praises and glory to you Papa God for you are a builder and I am your house. You should receive more praises than the beauty of the pillars and the interiors of this dwelling.
Oh Lord, I know you can hear and read this letter from my heart. I love you so much, every fiber of my being loves you and longs for you. Please teach me your ways so that I may know you more and people will know you more through me. Oh please, Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.
Day 30 Challenge The big 3.0 This is the best version of you so far You have been chipped by earthly suffering You have been tested in the fire through and through But you never considered your pains a punishment Because you understand how much God loves you. The big 3.0 Challenge Today, I want you to send 3,000 to Papa Gary No what if's, no but's You know deep in your heart That he needs a relative's love. You can do it, Weng. No more thinking Only listen to your heart. ❤️
-- Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 31 of 33: In honor of my parents' love for me
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Thu, Nov 12, 2020 at 2:20 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
It's three days to go before your big 3.3 birthday! You felt a sense of longing for your parents, for your mama and for your papa when earlier you saw some of your junior high school students' parents were coming over for PTA meeting.
Oh Lord, why do I have to lose my parents, so soon? I have been a bad child to take them for granted and to hurt them as I was growing up. I repent of my sins but they are no longer here so I can make it up to them. Oh dear Lord. I miss my parents so much. How I wish I did better as their daughter. But now it's too late. While yes, I have somehow reconciled with myself that their early death is beyond comprehension and logic. I know you understand the pain I endure every day, Lord. And I know, my brothers and sisters endure the same pain. But I am done making myself responsible for their happiness because reality is-- I am no one as well. I am only a sister who only yearns to feel that they love and care for me as well. I am trying-- I have been trying. I know I am not perfect, I have been trying, but my efforts aren't enough.
Oh Lord, how my flesh desires to give in to the temptation of evil. To hate and sulk against my siblings for caring for me less-- for not even checking up on me here abroad. But I have decided that I will not depend on my happiness on them. That with the Lord, my joy is already complete. The enemy is at a watch to kill and destroy.
Oh Lord, I will fill my heart of gladness and joy for we have been victorious. Even though I feel that my family doesn't share my victory with me. Lord, I will kill this evil of hate by your love for me. You love me through and through even though I have been more ungrateful, selfish, and distasteful daughter. But in your eyes, you lovingly gaze upon me, caress me when I am sleep, watch over me, care for me, love me. Oh Lord, I cannot ask for more. In you, I have enough.
Therefore, Lord, today, I shall dig my roots in your love. I want my heart to hurt with so much love. I want my heart to hurt with so much love.
Lord, I have forgiven Janelyn, you know that. Last night, I dreamed of her again. We were holding hands and our souls were very intimate. I love my sister, Lord. I don't hold any grudge against her anymore. I just want to wait until my birthday to make it special. My soul has long reconciled with her.
Day 31 Challenge: Have you sent your gift yet? Today, I want you to remember That as you celebrate your life Give honor to your parents as well Starting today, and in all the days of your life So long that Lola and Inay live They will receive your annual birthday gifts To honor their lives To honor the love they gave to your parents To honor the love you received from your parents All because of them.
Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 32 of 33: My heart and my life is full
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Fri, Nov 13, 2020 at 3:01 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Self,
Tomorrow is your birthday! And it's been 32 days since you started this Project 33 Days of Happiness. How was it, Weng? Did you enjoy it? How did you benefit from it?
It's been more than a month of a roller coaster ride. The most basic rule was "No rules rule". I didn't have to feel bad about myself if I failed an entry for the day, neither would I feel low if I failed a challenge. This was purely intended for fun and learning, mistakes were certainly welcome. And I did, so many times actually! And that was the first lesson, DO NOT TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY, NO ONE CAME OUT OF IT ALIVE, ANYWAY. When you failed, don't be hard on yourself. It's okay. When God gave you so many chances then why can't you afford the same kindness to yourself?
Second, in the early days of the challenge, I had to make random acts of kindness and gestures to random people on Facebook. I did! And it turned out that truly, the world is so full of people in need! You didn't even have to ask them what they need. You just told them you're going to pray for them. And voila! They were in so much gratitude for it. Your second lesson was, THE WORLD IS SO FULL OF PEOPLE IN NEED. It doesn't matter what it is-- pray for everyone. Pray for their heart's desire. Pray that they may find what they are looking for.
As I went on with this journey, I was waiting for my breakthrough. And yes, it came while I was waiting in anticipation. I thank the Lord for sustaining me all throughout. From the moment the seed of hope was planted in my heart-- that longing to finally be back on track in the academe. That longing to finally move to the next level. Yes, Weng. In your second year as an ALT, you woke up to a self asking for a breakthrough because you know you couldn't stop your journey here in Japan. Deep inside you-- all you wanted was to get out of this job because you knew that something big awaits you out there. You just didn't understand what it was. You just knew. You tried to test the waters. You sent applications to international schools, universities in Tokyo, and in high schools in Ibaraki. You got one rejection and silence from the rest. You planned to enrol for FLT as well in the hope that maybe you have a bigger chance if you have a TESOL Certificate. But it didn't happen.
And finally, you were reminded by Alea of your desire to pursue your doctorate. She received offers after offers from universities, while you, you only received silence. But you knew and you trusted that if God was able to do it for her, He can also do it for you. That was what you had to hang on to. And the journey began. For over a year already, you were nonstop. One application after one application, researching, complying, sending, paying application fees and all. You did what you had to do for that one dream. All these paddlings underwater, unknown to everyone but to God, to Raymond, and to yourself. Not even your siblings and your best friend knew about it, except for Alea of course, whom you have shared the same passion even before you started. Maybe that's one downside of keeping all your battles to yourself-- you didn't share with them your losses so they didn't understand the length of your victories. I don't know. But in my 30s, I learned one thing:
TO NEVER DEPEND MY HAPPINESS ON ANYONE. My joy in the Lord is complete. In Christ, I lack nothing. For sure, I long for warm hugs and words of kindness For sure, I long for loving care and caresses I welcome all that should my Saviour send it But I have long decided That sorrow, pain, and suffering Will no longer have power over me Because starting today And in all the days of my life I surrender ALL I AM TO THEE.
I love you, Lord. Tomorrow, I will be 33. I thank you and praise you for all the people you sent me. For their kindness, their generosity-- in words and in deeds. I thank you Papa God for all the seasons of my life. For gorgeous springs where exciting new beginnings await me. For warm summer days filled with prancing in glee. For amazing autumns when all hues of human emotions engulf me. And for winter chilly nights when you covered me with so much love and grace. Lord, I enjoyed everything. Even the long nights of waiting for the daybreak. When I was almost filled with self-doubt and the enemy was at bay to devour my whole flesh. Lord, we have been victorious. Thank you so much for my life. Thank you so much for Raymond-- the one my soul loves. Thank you for giving Him to me on this world, Lord. You know, you always know that I needed a buddy here. And he's the buddy whom all I need.
Thank you, Lord. I celebrate you. Please accept my humble offering. I am not worthy of anything Lord. And yet, you made me feel that I am everything. Thank you for paying attention to every detail of my existence. My life is full. My heart is full.
Thank you so much, Lord.
Advance Happy Birthday, to you and me.
Love, Weng
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Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big."
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> |
Day 33 of 33: Happy 33rd Birthday Weng
1 message |
| RayWeng Films <wenefe87@gmail.com> | Sat, Nov 14, 2020 at 2:19 PM | | To: wenefebalbalin@gmail.com | Dear Weng,
Happy 33rd Birthday!
Yes, today is the day God decided to send you on a mission on earth. You have been having a great time singing, flying, and playing with other cherubims around those fluffy heavenly clouds. Eventually, God called your name and said: Weng, today I am sending you to Earth to be the second daughter of Fred and Fe. You will be named Wenefe. Do a good job down there and be sure to come back up here with me when it's time. Because you are mine.
So how are you keeping up with your mission on earth, so far, Weng?
Oh Lord, it's been 33 difficult years of a ride. Being sent here on earth and co-existing with your enemy, Lord, it isn't easy. I can understand why some of your angels couldn't hang on until the end. I can understand why there is so much wailing and crying on this planet. There is so much suffering in this corner of the universe. Lord, your enemy down here wants nothing but to destroy, ravage, and kill everything you created. It deludes us here, pretending that it cares for us, tricking us to choose the easiest ways of doing things, giving us attractive options so we could be comfortable here on earth and forget the reason why we're here to begin with. It is so bent on breaking our wings so we could be totally disconnected from you. And you knew it, right, Lord? You sent Jesus, your only son, to walk on these very paths. You totally understand how it is down here.
But I want to thank you. I want to thank you for even though you know I will be having a hard time down here-- dealing with the enemy and all that overwhelming earthly stuff, you still chose to send me. I remember a poem by one of the angels you sent here ahead of me, Max Ehrmann, who once wrote: With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Lord, thank you. Thank you for despite of everything and in spite of myself, you never fail to remind me that I belong to you. I may not fully comprehend my mission yet, but I know you sent me here to be your messenger-- to be your voice and to represent you, clad in my own brokenness; tattered, and battered by my own sufferings and sins. I know all that I am is all that you need so I could successfully carry on my mission here on earth.
Thank you for not giving up on me, Lord. No matter how much I have failed you. Thank you for tirelessly pulling me back on track. I know I could have just stayed there in heaven, along with the millions of herald of angels, singing our favorite songs together. And yet, you sent me here on Earth so I could experience the vastness, the depths, and the lengths of your love. My human heart is hurting because of so much love you have for me. Thank you, Lord. I can't stop thanking you, Lord.
It has been 33 years since you sent me. How am I faring with my mission, Lord? Before sending me here, for sure you showed me our masterplan. But this human mind limits me from remembering any of them. Yet, I know it, while it's too profound to understand, that deep down inside me, my old soul remembers.
By the way, I'd ike to thank you for sending me to a wonderful family-- a nurturing mother that was Fe and a responsible, loving father that was Fred. Thank you for my fellow angels whom I call my brothers and sisters. Thank you for surrounding me with my dear family and supporting friends whom have been rooting for me so I could have the best time here on earth. And most of all, Lord, thank you for sending me the best angel buddy-- whose heart you have paired with me. For sure, he also got his own mission but it's comforting to know that as I pursue mine, I won't be alone.
Lord I pray, please continue to purify me. If it needs be that I leave behind all of these--- my dear family, my loving friends, my stable workplace, my kind workmates, my favorite delicacies, the warm sunshines and the sweet island breeze, in order to fulfil your will for me, then let me so. If leaving behind me my comfort zone would mean living a life full of you then take everything from me so I can have more of you.
I would like to think that in every year that I celebrate my earthly birthday, I regain a piece of feather for my heavenly wings. Oh Lord, when the time comes that the feather on my wings are finally complete, I pray that I have lived your will in full so that I can happily tell you: Lord, mission accomplished.
There's so much uncertainty in the future. The thoughts of it make me breathless. But my heart flutters in gladness because instead of fear for the unknown, you overwhelm me with excitement. You sent me to this world but you never left me alone. Even when I was drowning at the bottom of the sea, you were holding my hands tight. Even when I was astray in faraway horizons, I never left your sight. Not even the darkness of my sins can make you unlove me. Because I am your angel, I belong to you, I am your own.
Oh Lord, I am overwhelmed by your love. My human heart is so full that it hurts in a good way. Thank you, Lord for loving me. I am yours. I am yours, forever and ever. I am yours.
Happy 33rd Birthday, Self!
Love, Wenefe R. CapiliMobile: +63949-905-1950
"Doors of infinite possibilities open for those who dream big." |
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