I used to count months, then weeks, and now, days. To be exact, I am now counting three days. Yes, three days. And to put it into hours, I only have 72 hours before finally waking up from this beautiful dream living in New Zealand. The clock is ticking and man, how I wish I can hold it for a few more hours, or perhaps days, or months, or years?!! But who knows, right?

And yet, the inevitable has to come. All that is left of me is the opportunity to immortalise this wonderful memory.  To paint every part of my wondrous adventure in a canvass created by my words. I wanted to document each of them just like what Mr. Bilbo Baggins did. I am so lucky and blessed, to have the same adventure in Middle Earth. 

An unexpected adventure in the Middle-Earth

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.  -Eleanor Roosevelt

In the small island of Masbate, there lived an ordinary girl with extraordinary dreams. 

Sa dulo ng dapit-hapon

Hindi pala ganun kadali mag-aral abroad. Lalo pa kung galing ka sa Pinas. Lumaki ka namang masipag mag-aral. Mahilig ka naman magbasa ng libro. Pero hindi pala ganun kadali kung sa sistemang kinalakihan mo, parating ikaw lang ang tagatanggap. Lumaki akong naniniwala na sa loob ng paaralan, kailangan ko matuto sa pamamagitan ng mga impormasyong isasalin sa akin ng aking mga guro. Mga impormasyon na ika nga nila "isusubo ko nalang".

Ngunit hindi ganun dito sa labas ng Pilipinas kong mahal. Hindi ganun dito sa New Zealand.

Malapit na akong magtapos sa isang taon kong kurso sa Educational Leadership. Awa ng Panginoon, kinaya ko naman ang mga araw at gabing pagmumukmok sa harap ng aking laptop. Sa awa ng Panginoon, may mga ideya namang kahit sapilitan kong pinipiga sa aking utak ay lumalabas parin. Sa awa ng Panginoon, nakakaya ko naman,

Pero iba ang pakiramdam ko ngayon. Pangalawang beses ko nang iniyakan ang hirap at pagod na dinadanas ng aking hamak na utak. Hindi ganoon kadali. Sobra, ang hirap. Mga pagkakataon na iiyak ka nalang at matutulala dahil hindi mo alam kung ano ang iyong mga isusulat. Iyong titingin ka nalang sa kawalan at mapapatulo nalang ang iyong mga luha dahil hindi mo alam kung paano ka magsisimula o magtatapos sa iyong akda.

Habang sinusulat ko ito, patuloy na nagngangalit ang apoy sa aking dibdib. Pakiwari ko'y ako'y nakikipagdigma sa mga ideyang pilit na humihiligpos sa kawalang di ko maarok. Ilang araw na lamang at kailangan ko nang ipagkaloob ang aking mga gawa sa aking propesor. At habang palapit ang mga araw, lalong humihigpit ang aking paghinga, lalong bumibilis ang pintig ng aking puso.

At sa kabila ng mga ito. Kailangan kong bumalik sa reyalidad. Kailangan kong bumalik sa pagsusulat ng aking akda....

A selfless encounter with myself

28 July 2015
54A May St
Hamilton East
NZ

At certain points in my life, I detested writing. I procrastinated because I felt like I wasn't really being real. Most of the real moments I had, I kept it in my heart--- so no one would steal it and no one would judge it. That way, I free myself from expectations of anyone liking or commenting on it. One of the side effects of facebook and other social media sites to this world is that people are sometimes trapped in a world of make-believe. And I sometimes also fall into this trap. There had been times in my life when I find myself living my life in a way which would gather many 'likes'.. I though it was going to make my life any happier and better than anyone's. But the truth is, I was just fooling no one but myself.

This age is bringing humanity into a huge drainage. Anyone who goes with the flow will end up in the septic tank, finding themselves swimming along with all kinds of rubbish and sh*t. Now, let me ask myself a pretty rare question--- when was the last time have I been really honest with myself?

The truth is, I was really never honest. In fact, the idea of writing a blog and the possibility that a fellow wanderer may possibly come across to this one and read this, simply tarnishes my honesty. Why? Because I am expecting an audience and I would definitely want my audience feel that this one's worth reading. But who really cares?

So I am writing this for my future self. I want my future self to know that at this stage of my life, I have been trying and will always try to become a better old me for a future self which I can be really proud of. I am always a work in progress. I am trying because this world is getting dangerous by the day. It continuously defines you of who you should be, what you should be doing, what should you be eating, what should you be thinking, and any should-be's the you can think of.

So let me begin by being honest with myself.

WHAT DO I REALLY WANT TO BE IN MY IDEAL FUTURE?
I want to be the mother and the wife of a godly family. A godly family who serves as an inspiration to everyone surrounding them. A godly family who is never perfect but is always trying to be one with God and Lord Jesus Christ in the middle. Because when God is in the center of one's life, one will never really feel empty and lacking.

WHAT MATERIAL THINGS DO YOU OWN?
A house which I can stare at and say to myself--- "Ah, this is my dream home!"
A car which would carry me and my family to places in our heart's content.
A business which won't necessarily give my family the security of a lifetime, rather, a business which would allow us to be more generous and giving to the deprived.
A title which I can scribble along my name.

WHAT HAVE I ACHIEVED FOR MY HEALTH?
Never ever go over 70 lbs! Regular biking, walking, and a sport which will hubby and I can do for bonding.

WHAT TYPE OF RELATIONSHIPS I HAVE WITH FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND OTHERS.
Family-- I am a wife and a mother who loves. I am a daughter who always remembers.An ate who always cares. A friend who treasures memories and who tries to find time when needed.

WHAT IS MY IDEAL PROFESSION?
A University lecturer and a public school leader. I hold a leadership position in the government where I am able to influence change and at the same time doing part-time teaching job to empower the minds of my students.

WHAT KIND OF TEACHER AM I?
I am a teacher who inspires not just by talking but by showing.I want my students see hope in me. I want them believe in their dreams through me. I want them have me as an inspiration.

WHAT AM I BESIDES WEARING A UNIFORM?
I am a traveler to places such as Japan, Europe, and the US. Not just for the sake of getting amazing photos but most importantly to learn more of myself by learning from others. To be more human by knowing and understanding more humans. I travel to be alive.

WHAT KIND OF COMMUNITY DO YOU LIVE IN?
I live in an imperfect community which constantly develops me to being a better me.

28 Reasons why New Zealand should be in your bucket list.

Neo-liberalism finally found its way to Philippined educational policies

I am overwhelmed with so much gratitude for having an opportunity to study abroad and get detached from my country in a while. Studying in New Zealand took away my cultural biases, it opened my eyes so that I can look at my country in a more objective perspective. This is not to patronise a rich country in a first world, on the other hand, studying in New Zealand is like using binoculars to magnify the issues in the education sector where I come from. And from this, I am able to understand my culture deeply and passionately. And most importantly, I am able to see the dangers in the path which my country is going and in my simplest ways, being able to warn my brothers and sisters.

Month 2: Ilustrada. I am.

04 April 2015
8 Rochford Court
Hamilton East
New Zealand

I am days behind my monthly diary/blog. It's been two weeks past my second month here in New Zealand.Not that I have been really busy. In fact,  I am bored. I am starting to get grips on the doom's day, when homesickness tries to strike. By the way, I just had a slice of pizza which Adi gave (Adi's my landlady's first son) and a can of coke which I keep in my supplies. My point is, I am starting to get bored and do nothing but eat and sleep.

It's my second month here, but I feel like I have been here for years. First, I had so much desire to settle down here but now I feel like I am not sure of it. Later you'll know why.

So again, it's been more than two months since I arrived. And I am glad to have experienced wonderful stuffs done only in New Zealand. Two remarkable things happened. I went to a farm and witnessed right on my face how a sheep gets sheared. Now I can testify what the Psalmist would say in the bible--- how a sheep gets so silent when about to get sheared. It was really a fun day! For only 15 dollars, we had a free bus trip going to a farm which unfortunately I didn't get the name. Upon arrival, we got to know Ramney the sheep (which I got a selfie with) and his brother sheep. Fifteen dollar was such a good deal for a farm trip. We had sumptuous Kiwi lunch. Sandwiches, apples, fruit juices, grilled sausages, pizza, and all those carbs. Yeah, just like how Rowling would describe it in his books.

Then we started walking for roughly an hour. Climbing hills and everywhere. But it was really fun, I had Sabrina, my California girl friend, my companion on the way. She's a bubbly, fine woman. I met her during the International Students orientation day. We were seatmates. But it must how it must be. She's from the US and I am from the Philippines. Living in different continents wasn't really a problem. But I am not so much of a party person. And I guess, she is. So she went on with her folks. I thought it was a good start of our friendship story. But not so much so.

So the day was really filled with so much stories to talk about, The amazing job sheep dogs do to gather the herd of sheep. Things like that. I shall post the pics here to immortalize them.

That farm trip was actually the last adventure I had for this month. School just started so I felt the urge of trying my best to get the hang of it. But postgraduate is such a difficult thing to do. Way way far from what I have been used to. I thought it was going to work my way. When I just had to show off charm and wits during discussions, trying to butt in some points to get known. But it was not. I found my tongue tied in the middle of discussions. I found my mind afloat, not knowing what to think or what to say or how to relate. It was just really really different here. Plus, their Kiwi accent is just adding up to the load. They just talk too fast that my comprehension skills are left behind.

So I decided to just make it up with the quarterly assignments. I must try harder in that aspect as to get good grades. Then deadlines started rushing in. And I was helpless. I thought it was going to be easy. Besides, writing is my forte. I should not find it challenging. But that was what I thought. When I started typing words for my introduction, I lost the talents which I thought I had. I spent days writing in circles. I was going nowhere and the time was running. I started to challenge my academic writing skills. The thing is, I have been so good with free verse writing where my words are free-flowing. But when it comes to being academic, when I have to be terse and direct to the point, I feel like my thoughts are shackled and restricted. Then there the writer's block comes in. Then I start being helpless.

Thanks be to God for He helped me through it. I made it to the deadline. I came up with descent articles in 2500 and 3000 words. Thanks to Zotero by the way for helping me with the referencing. Creating bibliography was just a chicken thing. But days after the assignment submission, I started getting qualms about the grades I deserve. My writing skills aren't impressive, my arguments were shaky, my thoughts weren't solid. I just don't think I will pass in those two papers. And I am starting to get tummy spasms. I fear I won't make it. :(

But the grades were not issued yet. I still have hope. In fact, I am not weary. I trust in the name of the Lord, despite of how sinful and unworthy I am.I trust in the Lord that I will pass. I will pass. I will pass.

Therefore, moving forward, I made such a thoughtful realization this month. Jose Rizal, my country's national hero, was sent abroad to study. He was called an "Ilustrado". He was a genius. In a country like ours, being sent abroad to study, fully-funded by the government of another country who believes you can make a difference once you go back home, means you are a genius.

With all honesty, I don't think I am a genius. I don't even see anything extraordinary about me. In fact, I am also struggling in catching up with the Kiwi culture. I even have writing problems. Or the basic decision-making skills. I am no one. But the Kiwi government saw something extra ordinary in me. Which opted them to offer me the scholarship despite of the generous number of applicants who wanted to be in my place. And these thoughts are just so timely because right now, I have coping problems. I don't get so many friends. That is somehow my fault. And the circumstances' fault. I try to befriend anyone as much as I can. But yeah, blame me. I love cuddling my pillow and watching my favorite TV series more than going out to clubs and have drinking sessions or maybe do chitchats which won't benefit me at all. I love being alone. I have no problem with that. But it becomes a problem when I find being alone, always.

Its been more than a month. And definitely, I won't be here forever. There are days when I think of that day when I count the days left for me here in NZ. As I said earlier, I want each moment count. But making the most of each moment becomes really a pressure. So I decided to give a new meaning to making my memories here in NZ memorable. I want those memories shared with my husband. My man. The man God created to be one with me. I want those memories shared with him. And only then will these memories have meaning.

I want us to settle down here in NZ. But the truth is, that is not my call. It is His. The very owner of this Universe. This earth where my feet set in. It is His call. I will remain hopeful and faithful that Raymond will be here with me. Days are really getting dull as winter comes. I hope he will be here with me. I hope that on my next entry here, I will be talking about my third month here. Full of memories with him, here in the land of the long white cloud,

I will keep trusting in His name. Despite of myself.

Month 1: Places to Remember

25 February 2015
Homestay
Rosehill Pl., Nawton, NZ

Today marks my first month stay here in New Zealand. In the past days, I have been thinking about how am I going to make this day remarkable. There's one like preparing a hearty meal for my host family then I had to consider my cooking skills. That one is slashed off. I don;t want to be risking whatever they have in the fridge. (I will leave the cooking part to Ate Marissa, my landlady.) She knows what she's doing. So, I ended up deciding to write an entry on this blog. Let's live up to the mantra of this blog--- memories immortalised!

Obviously, I will not be here in this amazing country #NewZealand forever, To make every moment worthwhile is more of a challenge than a cliche to me. It's not that easy. There had been days since my arrival when I just wanted to curl up on my bed and spend the entire day sleeping or browsing through my Facebook's news feed. Yeah, not a good idea. Especially when you only have 300 days or so to be here. But I came to realise that it's not bad at all. Through the years, I have learned to be nice and kind to myself. So yes, those times are okay. It's normal for a normal person. So when it happens, when you just feel like so lazy to get up and to try to be a wonderful wanderer of this world, embrace it. But don't embrace it too long that you get stuck to where you are until everything gets too late.

So there, in the past 30 days I have been through it. Besides, as what I learned from our numerous International Students' orientation in the past weeks, everyone indeed goes through it. There is this honeymoon stage when you get so excited and exhilarated of the new things around you, then you drop into Culture Shock when things suddenly appeared less to what you expected and you start missing home, and finally you get to adapt yourself and finally, you survive.

Spoiler Alert: There might be some of blog entries here that will talk about Culture Shock I am going through and how I am dealing with it. This is my blog so put up with it. :)

I might be proud of myself today for I have gracefully survived the month without putting so much fuss in the culture shock thing. I am not sure, maybe I am still in the honeymoon stage. Sooner or later, readers of this blog will have to witness the changes of seasons in my journey under the long white cloud.

A month has passed, and yes. I am feeling lucky and blessed by God. I was able to tick off a number of great places to visit here in New Zealand. Let me give a roll of the amazing places I have been to:

1. Lavender and Blueberry Farms- It was just three days after my arrival. Ate May (one of the Filipino host families) drove us there. She's a very hospitable host. I had my first time experience of blueberry picking and yes, blueberry eating! It was just so memorable that I literally had to munch a palmful blueberry. It was in fact despite of the biting Sun! (UV here in NZ is worse, a few minutes exposure can cause sunburn!) But I enjoyed it a lot, especially the ice cream that Ate May bought for us after the picking.
 The Lavender Farm visit is also remarkable. It was too late though for our visit. The farm owner already started to harvest the blooms so they could make them into byproducts such as soap, lotion, perfume, etc. In short, we arrived there with leftovers. But we still had a good time taking photos. The background wasn't so lavender though.

2. Rotorua--- A Sunday mass was celebrated there with Father Gelo. A Filipino priest hailed in Pampanga. The Pinedas were my host family this time. The experience was also worthwhile because Rotorua (means TWO LAKES) is one of the tourist destinations here in New Zealand. Believe it or not, Rotorua is figuratively a gateway to hell. Geothermal spots are everywhere. Some, as Fr. Gelo mentioned, would just pop out even inside the house of the local people there. It's crazy because I can imagine smokes coming out from the pavements without a single warning. But the place been gifted with two lakes. The Green and the Blue lakes. They literally stand true to their color. A bit of unfortunate we are for we came there raining. We failed to behold the beauty of those lakes. There was also a short trip to the Red Woods where I can imagine Bella and Edward got married. And yes, we ate out at Carl's Junior afterwards. One of the firsts too!

3. Cathedral Cove--- Yes, darling! Just exactly the cove where a part of the famous film, The Chronicles of Narnia was taken. It was such a view that takes your breath away. Like, literally. We had to travel on foot from the Bus Stop going down to the cove for 45 minutes! Yes, almost an hour under the scorching sun. But we had a few stops to marvel the amazing horizon kissing the crystal blue waters. And here's more, every 15 minutes of trekking, you see signage telling you how many minutes you need to walk more. Kind of inspiring, huh?

4. Whitianga White Beach-- This one is also an awesome experience where we got to sleep overnight in a beach house owned by my host family's close friend, Ate Chona. She married a Kiwi who loves fishing. Whitianga, and I guess, the whole of New Zealand owns a very rich ocean. We ate crabs to our heart's content! I had to savour every moment I had with the crab meat. Thus, I ended up having pains in my knees. Signs of rheumatism, yeah.) But it was a rare experience in spite of myself. It also from this beach where I got the chance to visit a wonderful abode owned by ate Chona's sister who also married another Kiwi man. The place is romantically beautiful. A house set on top of the mountain overlooking the wide Whitianga ocean. The owner mentioned, in peak summer seasons, they'll have their breakfast on the dining set where they get to watch people riding on Vintas by the beach. The image is just really beautiful.

5. Hobbiton Movie Set Tours--- Yeah, baby! This, in fact, is the only thing I have been wanting to visit when I first heard that this one's located in New Zealand. And the good thing about this is, Hobbiton is located only 45mins away from Hamilton. So upon knowing this, days before my flight coming here, I decided to save 75 dollars for that Hobbiton Movie Set tour. And, grace from God, Fr. Gelo and Ate Dina (another friend of the host family) are panning to hop on this tour. Just the sad thing about it, I had a class on that day. But I had to weigh risks and options. So I chose this over attending my class orientation. Well, I think I made a good decision. Hahaha.

There you go. I visited five amazing places without counting the Hamilton Lakes and Gardens which are equally beautiful. Nah.. I got two hundred more days to visit these gardens. But with those places I listed above? Not sure of that. So they are worth immortalising! :)