The troubled water under the bridge
This Letter of Admission from the University of Ottawa sums it all. I haven't got an entry in this blogiary for over a year since my previous update on my applications for PhD being sent to the universities. As you may notice, the last entry was about me being so hopeful to get myself admitted to the University of British Columbia which offers an all-expense-paid doctoral study. I submitted my applications around September 2019 and waited until December 2019 only to get A Letter of Rejection. And painfully, not a single letter of acknowledgment from any of the potential supervisors. Following that letter of rejection from UBC, was another letter of disappointment from the University of Saskatchewan. Thus, I welcomed the year 2020 with lost hopes of getting my PhD, along with it is roughly 300 CDN I had to pay for the non-refundable application fee (plus, the letter of reference my former professors had to make for me!).
The bridge under the troubled water
And there it came when all I thought that my PhD dream is going down the drain. The University of Ottawa sent me the letter below which gave me all the hope that I needed. Just by reading the email below, my hope was reborn and my strength like a withering old oak tree near a riverbank suddenly sprouted a tiny tiny bud of hope.
I held on to the line "your application was strong." This was the only university that took notice of me. But the University of Ottawa is not just a university. It's on the seventh (unsure, though of the exact rank) but definitely on the top ten list of best universities in Canada. It's also the biggest university in Canada's capital-- Ottawa. Hence, my PhD game is once again on. My next step is to hunt that elusive supervisor.
https://www.timeshighereducation.com/student/best-universities/best-universities-canada
The storm after the rainbow
I was desperate-- this was exactly how I felt. I never had the luck of winning the attention of any supervisor from previous universities I have applied at. And later on, I realized, it's because my introductory letter was basically a crap-- full of rhetorics and embellishments. The professors had no time for that. I prayed to God that this time I'd be able to write something more sensible. And I also decided to use conversational, straightforward language which meant no bullshit but business. After reviewing two profiles from the university portal of professors, I sent letters of introduction to Dr. Chitpin and to Dr. Isabelle. I was furious while writing the emails this time because I have been writing tons of emails like these in the past twelve months only to get unnoticed, worse-- everything I wrote, with all my palm-sweating and brain cracking efforts, ended up in the rubbish bin. And when I sent the final letters, I told myself that I had nothing to lose. This was my letter to Dr. Chitpin.
I didn't get any reply from Dr. Isabelle but after a few days, Dr. Chitpin replied advising me to write a proposal and from there she would decide if I am worth her while. For me, it didn't matter. She was the only one (besides one professor from the University of Alberta who was kind enough to tell me that he won't be taking advisees at the moment) who spared a precious time for a reply. This was her reply:
So without any fuss, and thank God it's our Spring Break, I had two weeks to write my research proposal. God is so good and His timing is perfect. I always have the chance to spare a great deal of time to work on each project. It took me two weeks to read her publications and create a sound proposal that I feel confident with. And in her generous, simple self, Dr. Chitpin sent me her thoughts a few days later. And this was what she had to say:
YESS!!! That's all I needed to reclaim God's mighty power and will in my life. Dr. Chitpin read it with interests and just like that, SHE ACCEPTED MY PROPOSAL. I finally found a supervisor, a pre-requisite for a University Offer Letter. And the rest is history.
Indeed, there's is no reaching the summit without having to climb a steep mountain. There is no victory without pain. While the story of getting admitted to the University of Ottawa doesn't end here--- I am fully aware that God is working for my best interest behind the scene. When I got a series of rejections from the first three universities I applied to, there it was-- the University of Ottawa was all along waiting to fruition. God was actually preparing something more, something beautiful for me.
The rainbow after the storm
One thing I am certain of, this PhD Dream isn't climbing one mountain and finally enjoying the victories. In fact, it's like climbing a mountain range! My faith led me to unknown paths that my feet could only wander. I thought getting the university offer was the most difficult part. No darling! The pandemic happened! And so, the difficult part was actually just about to begin. Now that I have the Offer Letter, it is time to get that student visa. And this was the harder part.
The University of Ottawa offered me the International Doctoral Scholarship-- a localized tuition fee which means my doctoral tuition fees will be the same as that of a Canadian citizen. I thought the hard part was over but boy, was I wrong. All the difficulties I went through to get that offer letter were actually but a warm-up! From raising up a million pesos for the proof of funds, to securing all the documents needed for a visa, the uncertainties of being able to enter the Canada borders on time before school term begins, the constant changes in the Canadian Immigration Policies due to COVID19, among others. There are just so much to handle that had God not put me through into difficult situations before-- I might have already lost hope and submitted into giving up. Just like that.
But God did not put me on fire just to be put out by rainshowers. I am the rainbow after the storm. All the colors within me-- from the dark shades of pain, despair, and misery I went through to the bright hues of godly victories and battles God has won for me-- radiate a kind of luster in me that neither storm nor all sorts of atmospheric pressures can ever wear off.
Praise the Lord Almighty because right now, while I have been on this waiting game for almost two years now (yes, I have been waiting every day, every night to finally win over this game for almost two years), I can only find peace, calm, and gratitude in my heart. There is just so much hope in my heart that God did not take me to many a great height for nothing. And my heart, this little nook in the depths of my being-- can only find gratitude for God has done so much for me already-- he's been turning water into wine, dividing the red sea so that I may pass through, and moving mountains so that I may believe. God has done so much for me that in the deepest corners of my sorrowful heart is an unfathomable desire to be worthy of His infinite love.
As of late, I still am on the waiting process for my student visa to get approved. Yesterday, I learned from IRCC (Canada Immigration) press release that quarantine requirements are in place. This means I have to prepare a little more funds for the hotel stay and meals while on quarantine in Canada before I can move to where Baduy is. And the other one is, there are still possibilities of getting denied from entering the Canada borders for reasons such as getting the virus symptoms and not having enough justifications that my travel to Canada is non-optional for me.
So many reasons to feel anxious but praise the Lord, with all His power and grace, that despite the storm (and a serious one) is brewing, there is only calm and peace within me. Such a feeling that comes from the nethermost core of my existence. This is what I have always lived for--- to trust in God, surrender in His presence, and live for Him and for His will.
I am the rainbow after the rain-- no trials, tribulations, worries, fears, and persecutions will ever change that.
