Neo-liberalism finally found its way to Philippined educational policies

I am overwhelmed with so much gratitude for having an opportunity to study abroad and get detached from my country in a while. Studying in New Zealand took away my cultural biases, it opened my eyes so that I can look at my country in a more objective perspective. This is not to patronise a rich country in a first world, on the other hand, studying in New Zealand is like using binoculars to magnify the issues in the education sector where I come from. And from this, I am able to understand my culture deeply and passionately. And most importantly, I am able to see the dangers in the path which my country is going and in my simplest ways, being able to warn my brothers and sisters.

Month 2: Ilustrada. I am.

04 April 2015
8 Rochford Court
Hamilton East
New Zealand

I am days behind my monthly diary/blog. It's been two weeks past my second month here in New Zealand.Not that I have been really busy. In fact,  I am bored. I am starting to get grips on the doom's day, when homesickness tries to strike. By the way, I just had a slice of pizza which Adi gave (Adi's my landlady's first son) and a can of coke which I keep in my supplies. My point is, I am starting to get bored and do nothing but eat and sleep.

It's my second month here, but I feel like I have been here for years. First, I had so much desire to settle down here but now I feel like I am not sure of it. Later you'll know why.

So again, it's been more than two months since I arrived. And I am glad to have experienced wonderful stuffs done only in New Zealand. Two remarkable things happened. I went to a farm and witnessed right on my face how a sheep gets sheared. Now I can testify what the Psalmist would say in the bible--- how a sheep gets so silent when about to get sheared. It was really a fun day! For only 15 dollars, we had a free bus trip going to a farm which unfortunately I didn't get the name. Upon arrival, we got to know Ramney the sheep (which I got a selfie with) and his brother sheep. Fifteen dollar was such a good deal for a farm trip. We had sumptuous Kiwi lunch. Sandwiches, apples, fruit juices, grilled sausages, pizza, and all those carbs. Yeah, just like how Rowling would describe it in his books.

Then we started walking for roughly an hour. Climbing hills and everywhere. But it was really fun, I had Sabrina, my California girl friend, my companion on the way. She's a bubbly, fine woman. I met her during the International Students orientation day. We were seatmates. But it must how it must be. She's from the US and I am from the Philippines. Living in different continents wasn't really a problem. But I am not so much of a party person. And I guess, she is. So she went on with her folks. I thought it was a good start of our friendship story. But not so much so.

So the day was really filled with so much stories to talk about, The amazing job sheep dogs do to gather the herd of sheep. Things like that. I shall post the pics here to immortalize them.

That farm trip was actually the last adventure I had for this month. School just started so I felt the urge of trying my best to get the hang of it. But postgraduate is such a difficult thing to do. Way way far from what I have been used to. I thought it was going to work my way. When I just had to show off charm and wits during discussions, trying to butt in some points to get known. But it was not. I found my tongue tied in the middle of discussions. I found my mind afloat, not knowing what to think or what to say or how to relate. It was just really really different here. Plus, their Kiwi accent is just adding up to the load. They just talk too fast that my comprehension skills are left behind.

So I decided to just make it up with the quarterly assignments. I must try harder in that aspect as to get good grades. Then deadlines started rushing in. And I was helpless. I thought it was going to be easy. Besides, writing is my forte. I should not find it challenging. But that was what I thought. When I started typing words for my introduction, I lost the talents which I thought I had. I spent days writing in circles. I was going nowhere and the time was running. I started to challenge my academic writing skills. The thing is, I have been so good with free verse writing where my words are free-flowing. But when it comes to being academic, when I have to be terse and direct to the point, I feel like my thoughts are shackled and restricted. Then there the writer's block comes in. Then I start being helpless.

Thanks be to God for He helped me through it. I made it to the deadline. I came up with descent articles in 2500 and 3000 words. Thanks to Zotero by the way for helping me with the referencing. Creating bibliography was just a chicken thing. But days after the assignment submission, I started getting qualms about the grades I deserve. My writing skills aren't impressive, my arguments were shaky, my thoughts weren't solid. I just don't think I will pass in those two papers. And I am starting to get tummy spasms. I fear I won't make it. :(

But the grades were not issued yet. I still have hope. In fact, I am not weary. I trust in the name of the Lord, despite of how sinful and unworthy I am.I trust in the Lord that I will pass. I will pass. I will pass.

Therefore, moving forward, I made such a thoughtful realization this month. Jose Rizal, my country's national hero, was sent abroad to study. He was called an "Ilustrado". He was a genius. In a country like ours, being sent abroad to study, fully-funded by the government of another country who believes you can make a difference once you go back home, means you are a genius.

With all honesty, I don't think I am a genius. I don't even see anything extraordinary about me. In fact, I am also struggling in catching up with the Kiwi culture. I even have writing problems. Or the basic decision-making skills. I am no one. But the Kiwi government saw something extra ordinary in me. Which opted them to offer me the scholarship despite of the generous number of applicants who wanted to be in my place. And these thoughts are just so timely because right now, I have coping problems. I don't get so many friends. That is somehow my fault. And the circumstances' fault. I try to befriend anyone as much as I can. But yeah, blame me. I love cuddling my pillow and watching my favorite TV series more than going out to clubs and have drinking sessions or maybe do chitchats which won't benefit me at all. I love being alone. I have no problem with that. But it becomes a problem when I find being alone, always.

Its been more than a month. And definitely, I won't be here forever. There are days when I think of that day when I count the days left for me here in NZ. As I said earlier, I want each moment count. But making the most of each moment becomes really a pressure. So I decided to give a new meaning to making my memories here in NZ memorable. I want those memories shared with my husband. My man. The man God created to be one with me. I want those memories shared with him. And only then will these memories have meaning.

I want us to settle down here in NZ. But the truth is, that is not my call. It is His. The very owner of this Universe. This earth where my feet set in. It is His call. I will remain hopeful and faithful that Raymond will be here with me. Days are really getting dull as winter comes. I hope he will be here with me. I hope that on my next entry here, I will be talking about my third month here. Full of memories with him, here in the land of the long white cloud,

I will keep trusting in His name. Despite of myself.