I am scared.
Four months after my arrival on April 1st, Raymond is coming to join me here in Japan. After a thousand silent prayers and fingers crossed, he's finally coming over, hopefully, for good. His coming over is part of our life-long journey into the unknown. As our families and friends are aware of, this is a risk we are about to take. Raymond's job, except that he's being underpaid for what he's worth, is a job that every average Filipino would wish to have. He's working for the City Engineering Office, a regular employee who gets bonuses from time to time and who can be pretty lax, so to speak. And he's planning to abandon all of those little luxuries-- being an employee of the government. For what? For the uncertain, for the unknown.
Our plan is to have him come over so we could be together. We believe that God has joined us into one body in the sacrament of marriage. Thus, the head cannot be placed away from its heart. So we are determined to cross the oceans and the skies to be with each other. Even if that meant he has to leave his job and face the unknown with me.
We are both scared.
We want this to work. I, as a teacher, and him, as an Engineer-- here in Japan. The "I" part has been well taken cared of by God, already. The next part is "him". I am amazed by Raymond's humility and meekness, of his willingness to take whatever job opportunity so long that he's with me. I am scared because I cannot promise him a job here. Who am I, anyway? I am scared because I don't know what lies ahead of us or what is in store for us here. My doubts and fears are seeping in, trying to burst the bubble of hope that I am holding on to. Is it not what evil wants me to do? To doubt, to worry, and to be afraid?
I want to remember this time of our life-- when we walk over the water with God. A walk that allowing any doubt or fear in our heart could cost us drowning. I will remember this day as the day that I chose to trust His will. Just as what I said to him, "I could not promise you a job here in Japan but what I can promise you is that God never fails."
We are both scared but God never fails.
Being here in Japan is already a work of His hand. I remember all the processes I had to go through to be here. And in every step of the way, I held on to this short prayer: "If this truly is your will, Lord, everything will push through smoothly." And it did. I had the same prayers when we were processing Raymond's papers. From requesting for the Certificate of Eligibility to be approved (which only took 5 days) to his visa (which took 2 days) and the rest is history. I know that the days ahead won't be easy. Our patience and faith will be tested on fire. But just as God never wavers His provision to us, so do we.
A family is not an important thing. For us, it is everything. This means that in all our ways, we will put it on top of our priority. And the rest will just follow. Of course, in all our ways and plans, we acknowledge Jesus, the only begotten son of God. With the Father and the Holy Spirit, all of our worries will come to pass. We claim that we will rise victorious in this journey into the Unknown because we have a Known God. And that, we believe, is enough.
